Home / Quotes / Quote by Craig Kilborn

Quote by Craig Kilborn

“Our top story, in 'Threat Matrix Reloaded' news ... Attorney General John Ashcroft and FBI Director Robert Muller held a press conference today to announce that Al Qaeda is planning attacks somewhere inside the United States at sometime in the future. So go about your normal lives, but with a vague sense of foreboding.”

Author

Craig Kilborn

Craig Kilborn, born on August 24, 1962, is an American actor known for his roles in various television series and films, renowned for his unique acting style and sense of humor. more

“This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.”

“Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.”

“Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm system. ... Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger. And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart.”

Mean Danger Color Red Okay Green Extremes Toms Alarms Champagne Ridges

Author:Conan O'Brien

“It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.”

People Seems Happened Week Weapons Chicago Metals Airports Hares Metal Detectors

Author:Jay Leno

“I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.”

Ifs Knows Today Together Differences Heard Crime News Working Together Good News Cia Fbi Cooperating

Author:David Letterman

Quote by Craig Kilborn

Author

You May Also Like