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Quote by Jimmy Fallon

“Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.”

Quote by Jimmy Fallon

Author

Jimmy Fallon, born in September 1974, is an American television host. He is widely recognized for hosting 'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon', a show known for its interactive and entertaining nature. Fallon is known for his humorous hosting style and engaging interactions with guests. more

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“Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.”

Ifs Happened Fats Giants Princess Subway Headphones Leia

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.”

Ends Hands Wall Machines Hello Robots Towels Sensors

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Mistakes, scandals, and failures no longer signal catastrophe. The crucial thing is that they be made credible, and that the public be made aware of the efforts being expended in that direction. The marketing immunity of governments is similar to that of the major brands of washing powder.”

Made Government Effort Mistake Majors Marketing Brands Crucial Catastrophe Signals Scandal Washing Credible Powder Immunity

Book:America

Source: America

“Nor do they trust their tongue alone, but speak a language of their own; can read a nod, a shrug, a look, far better than a printed book; convey a libel in a frown, and wink a reputation down.”

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Author:Jonathan Swift

“Certain it is that scandal is good brisk talk, whereas praise of one's neighbor is by no means lively hearing. An acquaintance grilled, scored, devilled, and served with mustard and cayenne pepper excites the appetite; whereas a slice of cold friend with currant jelly is but a sickly, unrelishing meat.”

Mean Certain Cold Praise Hearing Neighbor Meat Appetite Scandal Acquaintance Lively Old Friends Peppers Jelly Mustard

Book:The four Georges. The English humorists. Roundabout papers

Source: The four Georges. The English humorists. Roundabout papers

“I don't want to be rich and I don't want to be famous.”

Want Funny Rich Ridiculous Dumb

Author:Gwyneth Paltrow

“Having survived her 10th London winter (she got through January by assigning it "international month," and amusing Moses and his big sister, Apple, 9, with a visiting Italian chef, Japanese anime screenings, and hand-rolled-sushi lessons, no less), Paltrow admits that her dreams of relocating the family to their recently acquired residence in Brentwood, California, are becoming ever more urgent.”

“No. I think they're the idiot people and I'm the normal person. But I don't really go to parties where...I don't really have drunk friends. My friends are kind of adult; they have a drink. But they hold their liquor. I think it's incredibly embarrassing when people are drunk. It just looks so ridiculous. I find it very degrading. I think, oh, you're really degrading yourself right now, to be this pissed out in public.”

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Author:Gwyneth Paltrow

“They love a brown rice stir-fry, but they also love their 'Coke of the week'...My daughter gravitates toward fresh fruit and raw nuts but will inhale a bag of hot Cheetos at the airport. It's all about balance.”

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Author:Gwyneth Paltrow

“I'm just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other mother who's trying to do everything at once and trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship. There's absolutely nothing perfect about my life, but I just try hard.”

Trying Hard Funny Mother Perfect Struggle Wife Normal Ridiculous Dumb Absolutely Nothing

Author:Gwyneth Paltrow