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Quote by Lewis Black

“If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.”

Quote by Lewis Black

Author

Lewis Black is a renowned American comedian known for his sharp wit and incisive humor. Born on August 30, 1948, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1980s, gaining widespread recognition for his unique style of humor that often tackles social issues and current events with a humorous twist. more

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“Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"”

Men Wells Looks Persons Done Humor Funny Havens He Man Taxes Paid Mirrors Court Excuse Trust Me Excuse Me

Author:Lewis Black

“If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.”

Ifs Should Ends Humor Funny Water Week Drink Garden Scientist Ass Bottles

Author:Lewis Black

“They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!”

Ifs Knows Needs Wells Humor Today Funny Lying Perfect Conditions Wind Degrees Weather Nonsense Chill Minus

Author:Lewis Black

“It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!”

Home Humor Funny Lasts Winter Midwest Blizzard

Author:Lewis Black

“Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits.”

Humor Funny Stuff Effort Quality Drug Majors Increase Profit High Quality Peddling

Book:Nothing's Sacred

Source: Nothing's Sacred

“This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you.”

Knows Book Humor Today Funny My Friends Who You Are Dedicated

Author:Lewis Black

“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.”

Believe Mean Made Enough Humor Funny Universe Sweet Don't Believe Smell Sugar Pie Pumpkin Pumpkin Pie

Book:Nothing's Sacred

Source: Nothing's Sacred

“Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.”

Ifs Years Firsts Wells Humor Funny Swimming Crap Great Year

Author:Lewis Black

“If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.”

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Author:Lewis Black

“North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.”

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Author:Lewis Black