“Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.” Quote by Daniel Tosh
“Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.” LooksMayI CanStupidNormalFunction Author:Daniel Tosh
“If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.” IfsMenWould BePlanetsGiantsSpidersSpider Man Author:Daniel Tosh
“I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.” BelieveSpaceCamerasSticksDon't BelieveDesertMars Author:Daniel Tosh
“My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.” GivingForceKissingMy FavoriteStealingArrestedFavorites Things Author:Daniel Tosh
“Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.” IfsWritingShowsHateHeavenStuffNumbersTvsRegretJokesFeministFiftyShadeGreyChokeNo RegretsHate MeFifty ShadesShades Of Grey Author:Daniel Tosh
“No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.” StillsTwoMatterSidesFlatsTwo SidesPancakes Author:Daniel Tosh
“I always find it kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot, although nobody says anything. You know, they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized.” KnowsKindLongNew YorkExcitingStaringParisSay AnythingEmbarrassingCornyCommonplace Author:Marc Jacobs
“Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.” MatterHardLosesWhiteRepublicanBoxers Author:Daniel Tosh
“You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.” StillsAcceptingAcceptanceAwfulSense Of Humor Author:Daniel Tosh