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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.”

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

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“Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.”

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“No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.”

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“I always find it kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot, although nobody says anything. You know, they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized.”

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“Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.”

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“I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!”

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“You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.”

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“A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.”

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“Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.”

“Kangoroos can't hop backwards.”

Author:Daniel Tosh