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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.”

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Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

“Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.”

“Kangoroos can't hop backwards.”

Hops Backwards

Author:Daniel Tosh

“If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.”

People Ifs Ends Country America Dies Courses Hours Half Four Europe Balls Entertainment Welcome Our Country Soccer Collapse Enjoyable Bleachers

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.”

Hard Guy Girl Easy Nice Ugly Nice Guy

Author:Daniel Tosh

“If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?”

Ifs Knows Firsts Looks Garden Adam Eden Adam And Eve First Lady Garden Of Eden

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.”

Knows Heart Problem Normal Shirts Abortion Urban Infant

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Technically it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them.”

Ifs Sex Plans Marrying

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'”

People Thinking Want Littles Sports Black Holy Black People Cows Bob Announcers

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.”

Knows Writing Hard Southern Rapper Rhyme

Author:Daniel Tosh

“If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.”

Ifs States Would Be Canada

Author:Daniel Tosh

Quote by Daniel Tosh

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