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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.”

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

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“If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.”

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“Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.”

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“How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.”

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“I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.”

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“Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.”

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“Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.”

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“Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.”

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“I do think that in order for a company to be interesting to the investment community, there needs to be a plan; there needs to be a bigger retail footprint. There needs to be this idea - DNA, lifestyle, words I hate.”

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“I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.”

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“I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.”

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