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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“Kangoroos can't hop backwards.”

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Author

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

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“If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.”

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“Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.”

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“If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?”

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“I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.”

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“Technically it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them.”

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“I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'”

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“Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.”

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“If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.”

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“Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.”

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Author:Daniel Tosh

“How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.”

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Author:Daniel Tosh