Home / Quotes / Quote by Mark Twain

Quote by Mark Twain

“Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.”

Quote by Mark Twain

Author

Mark Twain, born Samuel Langhorne Clemens, was a renowned American author and humorist in the 19th century. His works are characterized by humor, satire, and profound social insight, with notable novels such as 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer' and 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'. more

You May Also Like

“The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.”

Giving Funny America Belief Fool Constitution Damn Umpires Inalienable Rights

Author:John Ciardi

“[Commercial radio] is owned by one or two corporations now, and they're not in the music business. They're in the advertising business.... So let's not kid ourselves. If you want to hear music, go buy a guitar.”

Ifs Want Two Kids Guitar Radio Advertising Corporations Music Business Advertising Business

Author:Elvis Costello

“The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass.”

Firsts Loses Brain Mass Weight Diets Dieting Funny Diet Motivational Diet Weight Motivational Inspirational Weight Loss Good Weight Loss Motivation

Author:Margaret Cho

“When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”

May Humanity Loses Honesty Genius Losing Weight Twenties Fats Diets Pounds Our Love Weight Loss Dieting Fat People Funny Diet Love And Honesty

Book:The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose

Source: The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose

“When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.”

Firsts Four Taste Weight Careful Diets Be Careful Garbage Cookies Dieting Spray Funny Food Funny Diet

Author:Janette Barber

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”

Knows Happened Goes On Doctors Tired Faster Diets Tranquility Pills Dieting Pep

Author:Joe E. Lewis

“I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.”

Forget Exercise Decided Weight Diets Dieting Funny Diet

Author:Paula Poundstone

“Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'”

Energy Week Huge Amount Exercise Equal Speech Mass Physics Tiny Fats Diets Department Thighs Dieting Princeton Snickers Funny Diet Diet And Exercise

Book:Dave Barry Turns 50

Source: Dave Barry Turns 50

“To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.”

Thinking Should Reality Should Have Walt

Book:I KID YOU NOT

Source: I KID YOU NOT

“With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.”

Thinking World Life Believe Today Belief Land Corporations Accomplished Make Believe Today's World Epcot

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell