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Quote by Jackie Mason

“I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.”

Quote by Jackie Mason

Author

Jackie Mason is a renowned comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp wit. Born on June 9, 1931, he has been a prominent figure in the comedy world since the 1950s. more

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“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.”

World Home Car Clothes Jew Dressers

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“I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!”

Giving Writing Said Stills War Whole Lasts Suffering Five Crazy Minutes Gun Give Me Army Shock Wounded Five Minutes Wipe Psychiatrist

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“I sometimes think that when the prime minister tries to select a weapon it is the boomerang he finds most effective.”

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“I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.”

Knows School High School Sexy

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“Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.”

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Book:It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

“Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.”

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“I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.”

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“It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.”

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“It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.”

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“I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.”

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Book:It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs