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Quote by Carol Leifer

“Oh my God, Kennedy Airport - what a mess - all over you with those dopey security questions. 'Did you receive any gifts from any unknown persons?' Buddy, the last thing I got from an unknown person was in the 80's.”

Quote by Carol Leifer

Author

Carol Leifer, born on July 27, 1956, is an American comedian known for her unique sense of humor and witty dialogue. She gained fame for her work in various comedy programs, including 'Saturday Night Live' and 'The Carol Leifer Show'. Leifer's career began in the 1980s, and she has since made a significant impact in the comedy world. more

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“Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.”

Knows Feels Feelings Young Community Secret Know How Share Citizens Gentleman Do You Know Retirement Senior Ladies And Gentlemen Young Ladies Time Flies Senior Citizen

Author:Carol Leifer

“Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.”

Real Buying Making Love Estates Location

Book:When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror

Source: When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror

“Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.”

Bigs Right Now Buying Rip Bucks Lingerie Panties Dryers Bookmarks

Author:Carol Leifer

“Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.”

People Knows Kind I Can Today Jobs Causes Comedy Sick Yeah Folks Woods Hello Stand Up Comedy

Author:Carol Leifer

“Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.”

Want Firsts Made Would Be Fun Clothes First Time Hot Yeah Sexy Naked Contact Beach

Author:Carol Leifer

“Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks.”

Ifs Firsts Stills Bigs Jobs Mines Yeah Coffee Cups Girlfriend Boss Workplace Stride Coffee Cup New Job Starbucks

Author:Carol Leifer

“You can never go wrong betting on Americans' bad eating habits. So I've made a ton investing in all fast food chains, while at the same time investing in Dockers, spandex, Spanx, and sweatpants. Basically, anything with an elastic waistband is a goldmine.”

Made Habit Eating Investing Chains Fast Food Betting Food Chain Eating Habits Sweatpants Spanx Spandex

Author:Carol Leifer

“When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.”

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Author:Carol Leifer

“I recently became vegan because I felt that as a Jewish lesbian, I wasn't part of a small enough minority. So now I'm a Jewish lesbian vegan.”

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Author:Carol Leifer

“The more you focus on sex without love, and drugs and violence, lifestyle of intimidation and recycling, the less energy you spend on opening up the big tent.”

Bigs Energy Sex Focus Violence Drug Lifestyle Opening Without Love Tents Intimidation Recycling Opening Up Sex Without Love

Author:Jesse Jackson