“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'” SaidHumorFunnyDependsCallingLocalsSwimmingBaths Author:Tim Vine
“I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.” HumorFunnyPastBitsSeaMeatLoad Author:Tim Vine
“Some years ago I gave a concert in the mountains with snow all around, and that was much colder.” YearsMountainYears AgoSnowConcerts Author:Andrea Bocelli
“I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.” TryingI CanHumorFunnyPacksSuitcases Author:Tim Vine
“You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.” FactsHumorFunnyNightHuntingFoxesHuntsSaboteursFox Hunting Author:Tim Vine
“Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.” KnowsCoupleBlowTricksSecondsCandle Author:Tim Vine
“Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.” DifferentComedyStyleWideRangeQualifiedDifferent Styles Author:Tim Vine
“If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.” IfsWellsStoriesNarrativeOne Liner Author:Tim Vine
“I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.” PeopleThinkingNeedsWritingFrontsJokesStandingCoffeeMinimumDeadlineRubbish Author:Tim Vine
