“I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!” Quote by Emo Philips
“I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.” KnowsWellsFactsAbleMonthsSixEnglandImmigrationKnow MeSix MonthsQuarantineBypassRabies Author:Emo Philips
“If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.” IfsPersonsLaughingJust One Author:Emo Philips
“I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.” ThinkingLooksHandsPurposeBlackWifeDoorsCarSexyMy WifeFingernails Author:Emo Philips
“When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.” KidsBaseballNicknamesStitches Author:Emo Philips
“Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.” NeedsGivingWritingBabyGiving UpJokesHouseholdMaidsHaving A Baby Author:Emo Philips
“I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.” HandsLibertyStreetsStrangeSonGrewGrew UpAdultsThanksErasThese DaysWornYour SonSpanking Author:Emo Philips
“You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.” PeopleKnowsHateI HateOwl Author:Emo Philips
“My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.” HomeCertainParentHoursStrictStrict Rules Author:Emo Philips