“Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.” Quote by Greg Behrendt
“It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.” PeoplePretendingInsects Author:Greg Behrendt
“My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.” HandsMightFatherFailingBasketballDaughterMy DaughterBats Author:Greg Behrendt
“Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?” KnowsRealPlayGenerationsMinutesRocksPleaseTasteGayVampireRacistWeekendThis GenerationMetallicaTaste In MusicGravitasPro Gay Author:Greg Behrendt
“She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.” NightMovedCaughtPlusOne NightMinusDriveway Author:Greg Behrendt
“I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.” IfsMightSpeakLanguageBoatPhrasesDepartmentCakeVehicleMotorRegisterMotor Vehicles Author:Greg Behrendt
“My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.” WayYearsTwoGirlListeningTwo YearsTomsOld FashionedChasingBuddyChasing A Girl Author:Greg Behrendt
“I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!” IfsInformationDrinkingBreakupTonightJust SayingBooze Author:Greg Behrendt
“If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.” IfsThinkingFatherWalkingEatingCatPussy Author:Greg Behrendt
“I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.” WantBeing YourselfI Want You Author:Greg Behrendt
“So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.” KnowsKindSaidBecomingAdultsPlatesBecoming An Adult Author:Greg Behrendt