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Quote by Emo Philips

“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.”

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“I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.”

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“I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.”

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“You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.”

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“My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.”

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“The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.”

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“I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.”

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“I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.”

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