Quotessence
Home / Quotes / Quote by Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

Quote by Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

Work

A Woman of Independent Means

This book delves into the personal journey of a protagonist who navigates through various life stages with a strong sense of self-reliance and determination. more

Author

Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey
Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey, born on August 31, 1938, is an accomplished American journalist. Her career began at The New York Times, and she later became a freelance writer for several prominent media outlets. Hailey is known for her in-depth reporting on business and professional women. more

You May Also Like

“Each time something more interesting than you turns up— at work, a person, an opportunity—he will ignore you again. The disappointment each time this takes place can be paralysing. I presented the idea of being “enough.” Always remember, you are more than enough, always have been, always will be. The narcissist also never feels like he is enough, so he is always seeking attention and affirmation from the outside. If he is never enough, then no one else is either, but he is not aware of this dynamic. It would be an entirely different experience if he sat with you and said, “I am very empty, and I will never feel like I am enough, so I know that I will always treat you like you are not enough, even though you are.” If your partner had that level of insight, then he would not be narcissistic.”

OpportunityRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyMaturityBreakupEngagementNarcissismDissapointmentIgnoring
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“Narcissists do not tolerate anything that feels like abandonment. The reaction to narcissistic injury is typically narcissistic rage and revenge. Many people who endure a narcissistic breakup will say that they had to start anew— and learned who their real friends were. Because they engage in projection (taking what they are feeling and projecting it onto someone else), and because they do not take responsibility for anything or anyone, they blame. Meet his behavior with dignified silence.”

RelationshipsSilenceMarriagePsychologyBlameRevengeBreakupEngagementNarcissismProjection
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“Given that narcissists can often be quite vulnerable, again, because their self-esteem is so fragile and reliant on the judgments of other people, depression is not a surprising part of this picture. At times when they are depressed, especially for men, it is quite possible that their mood will be even more irritable than usual, or they will become more withdrawn, and seemingly more focused on themselves. The big-ticket symptoms we would like to see changed—the lack of empathy, the chronic entitlement, the grandiosity—tend to be most resistant to change, since they are linked so strongly to the core deficits of the disorder, such as an inability to regulate self-esteem.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologySelf EsteemDepressionVulnerabilityEngagementNarcissismFragilityIrritability
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“The darker dynamics of narcissism imply that one person in the relationship gives just about everything, and the other (the narcissist) just takes. If the relationship is reciprocal, compromise is effortless. The more challenging disappointments are the lack of empathy, the lack of connection, the lack of support.”

RelationshipsMarriageSupportPsychologyEmpathyConnectionEngagementNarcissismReciprocity
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“Strong emotions make narcissists uncomfortable. In your darkest hours you may have to appease and soothe them. Ironically, if they are experiencing the loss, they will often stop the clocks and turn into their own self-focused, self-referenced mourning period, expecting all lives to halt for them. The lack of support in the face of a crisis represents one of the more devastating conditions. Illness in a partner can raise a wide array of reactions in the narcissist, ranging from anger and irritability that their narcissistic supply is otherwise preoccupied to resenting the attention your illness may bring to you to actually becoming anxious and in fact even helpful because they are concerned about losing your availability and presence.”

RelationshipsMarriageSupportPsychologyAnxietyIllnessEngagementNarcissismPartnerIrritability
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“Behaviors may shift temporarily, but the core issues will remain. The feelings will also shift and change every day. After your time served, and years spent trying to make it work, it can be quite galling to have your partner pick up and leave. Many times, the narcissist does decide to head out for greener pastures— typically a new partner—and even though getting rid of him is ultimately healthier and better for you, it still stings. The sting of being rejected. The sting of not feeling good enough. The sting that no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough. While that has nothing to do with you, it is a difficult pill to swallow when they decide to pack it in and leave.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologyLeavingBreakupEngagementNarcissismInfidelityPartnerCore Values
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“Typical relationship books, they are about communicating more clearly, being more loving, and making time for your relationship. All of this is lovely advice, only if the other person is noticing or listening! Kierkegaard noted that “Love is the expression of the one who loves, not of the one who is loved.” The challenge is that when this expression is not met with any reciprocity, and in fact the opposite, it can be exhausting and demoralising. If you love more, then you will get more back. It’s not that linear, and while that may apply in a factory— work harder, make more widgets—it does not work in relationships, least of all with a narcissist. Personality patterns tend to be pretty entrenched—and the rules of rescue do not apply.”

LoveRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyEngagementRescueNarcissismReciprocityPersonality Disorder
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“In a healthy relationship, your partner is a great “dream-catcher.” However, when that unformed dream is laughed at, questioned, or belittled, it may not recover. Worse, you may scrap the whole idea. However, if there is one thing a narcissistic person cannot tolerate, it is being inconvenienced. Even just hearing about your bad day is an inconvenience. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it can slowly dawn on you that things work well as long as you are convenient.”

RelationshipsMarriageSupportPsychologyEngagementNarcissismConvenienceDream CatcherIndiference
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“The indifferent filler can keep the conversation moving, without giving the narcissist a hurtful target. He or she will likely find ways to insert some negativism here as well, perhaps mocking your opinion, calling you out for not being knowledgeable about a topic, or even labeling you as “dull.” Smile serenely and carry on. Your narcissist does not realize the triumph—you just dodged a bullet and did not play out the usual old patterns. He may even be frustrated, since he can’t get the same reactions out of you, and may have to find a new psychological punching bag.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologyCommunicationEngagementNarcissismPartnerIndiferenciaNegativism
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image

“It is appealing to think that once you survived it you will never repeat it. Be aware of your vulnerabilities and start looking for the qualities that make for a better long-term partner—compassion, kindness, respect, and empathy— rather than the flash in the pan qualities of charisma and ego. The risk of the narcissistic relationship is that it transforms you so profoundly and painfully that you feel that you are no longer you. Slowly over time you have cut off bits and pieces of yourself, so you feel as if you have lost your true self.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologySurvivalTransformationBreakupEngagementNarcissismVulnerabilities
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Create image