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Quote by Michael Downing

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Shoes Outside the Door: Desire, Devotion, and Excess at San Francisco Zen Center

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Michael Downing

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“The reason why people in traditional marriages tend to stay together for a lifetime is because it is ‘standard’ to sacrifice novelty for longevity, while some of us [the modern ones] who value sensuality and depth of connection in a relationship or marriage find it absolutely preposterous to sacrifice novelty for longevity—the price is just way too high, that is if you truly understand what’s really at stake.”

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“The reason why people in traditional marriages tend to stay together for a lifetime is because it is ‘standard’ to sacrifice novelty for longevity, while some of us [the modern ones] who value and prioritize sensuality and depth of connection in a relationship or marriage find it absolutely preposterous to sacrifice novelty for longevity—the price is just way too high, that is if you truly understand what’s really at stake.”

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“Pity" Amir sat on the same old wooden chair Roua still remembers vividly the furniture store where she bought that chair - less than a month after their wedding… The furniture store closed its doors a long time ago, Along with the doors of their stormy pre-marital love story perhaps in due to boredom or the shocks of the years… She would cut his hair, a habit that began when they were poor and Amir couldn’t afford a barber … Years went by and many things changed, But Roua kept cutting his hair on the same wooden chair almost once a month… He sat in his underwear She looked at his saggy skin that was getting looser and his belly getting slightly bigger with each haircut… She began wandering in her mind and wondering whether she ever loved him, or was it an overwhelming infatuation that turned into pity over the years without ever passing through the corridors of love? Her emotions kept swinging between love or pity with each snip … She was frightened to admit it was pity, for the price was almost her entire life… Yet she couldn’t sincerely determine it was love, for she hasn’t felt any love towards him for quite a time… Suddenly, she caught Amir looking at her as if he could read her mind… A tear involuntarily rolled down her eye as she continued cutting his hair… [Original poem published in Arabic on August 3, 2023 at ahewar.org]”

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“She tried not to center her life around dreaming of relationships or marriage or guys—there was more to life. More that she had to offer the world than merely being some guy’s wife. She had hopes, dreams, ambitions. “Marriage is half of our religion,” Maryam liked to remark, but without showing much interest in being a wife herself. Sure, Elizza thought, but I’m not even done refining the other half yet.”

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Book:A Second Look
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