“Ah bet she’s a dirty wee minx in the scratcher. Y’see that "butter wouldnae melt" expression she’s goat goin on? That’s jist a smokescreen – ah guarantee she goes like a train.’ Jimmy belched, considerately turning his head away to exhale.”
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“If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night.”
“I once took a poo in the woods while hunched over like an animal. It was AWESOME.”
“There are two kinds of people in life: those who like crude dualities and those who do not.”