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Quote by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

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Body Keeps The Score

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Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

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“I invite you to use Janet Hurley's feedback wheel, a form of speaking that has four parts. It is a structure you can use to organize your thoughts and more skillfully speak up when you are hurt. 1. This is what I recollect happened. 2. This is what I made up about it. 3. This is what I felt. And that all-important fourth step most speakers leave out: 4. This would help me feel better. In other words, this is what repair might look like. ... 1. Terry, you said you'd be home by six and you arrive at 6:45, no message or text, while I sat with the kids waiting for dinner. 2. What I make up about that is that you still have some narcissistic traits and that you value your time over ours. 3. I felt sad lonely, fearful of the impact on our children, hurt, and angry. 4. What I'd like now is for you to apologize to the kids, and to me for that matter. And tell me what you're going to do to not repeat this pattern. Notice that each step of the wheel is complete in just a few sentences. Be concise. And here are two more important tips. First, when you share your feelings, be sure to share your feelings, not your thoughts - keep them separate. "I feel like you're angry" doesn't cut it. Better would be "I make up that you're angry and about that I feel.”

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Book:Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
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“He asked: “You are aware of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, right?” “‘You Do Not Talk About Thermodynamics?’” Rudy said nothing. “The currency of the universe, Entropy. Okay and…?” “A candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” “That seems unrelated, but I’ll allow it. Is that supposed to be comforting?” “I like either the lavender or cinnamon-scented ones.” “This isn’t the advice I was asking for and you know that.” “Isn’t it? You know, it doesn’t take a master’s in behavioral psychology to see you’ve some unresolved issues.” “And the universe has a tendency to devolve into chaos, so why bother controlling it, just control myself?” Rudy just continued to shoot glances at Danny’s arm. Danny kept it face down, pretending not to notice. “Rudy: Sigmund Freud meets Dr. Seuss. Thank you.”

LifeHumorPsychologyEntropyThermodynamicsFight Club
Book:Dysfunction
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“Each of our friends has his defects so markedly that to continue to love him we are obliged to seek consolation for those defects -- in the thought of his talent, his goodness, his affection for ourself -- or rather to leave them out of account, and for that we need to display all our good will. Unfortunately our obliging obstinacy in refusing to see the defect in our friend is surpassed by the obstinacy with which he persists in that defect, from his own blindness to it or the blindness that he attributes to other people. For he does not notice it himself, or imagines that it is not noticed.”

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Author:Marcel Proust (Translator: C K Scott Moncrieff)
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“...few things can trigger us or make us go crazy like our intimate relationships can. Love is like a Roto-Rooter - it will push every button you own; it will bring up to the surface every unhealed wound and fissure that has lodged inside your body. Nothing stimulates hurt quite the way love does. As we shall see, we all marry our unfinished business.”

LoveRelationshipsPsychologyTraumaTherapy
Book:Us: Reconnect with Your Partner and Build a Loving and Lasting Relationship
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“Atunci când e mainstream să nu judeci, se susțin indirect patologii și abuzuri. O persoană matură și responsabilă care are discernământ poate alege să spună adevărul, să fie onestă în legătură cu problemele emoționale și intențiile sale. Aici este vorba de onoare și respect vizavi de tine și de cei din jur. Acest set de valori poate fi dobândit cultural, în familie, din educație. De fapt, aceasta este și cheia pentru atingerea intimității și a satisfacției sexuale. Manipularea și minciuna pentru obținerea sexului sunt bariera în atingerea intimității. Sigur ai acces la un corp, dar sexul practicat în minciună, te face practic un impostor la… pat.”

Psychology
Book:Sexualitatea astăzi, între sacru și banal. Ghid de supraviețuire în jungla urbană
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