“Wasn't it thrilling when the U.S. Women's team took home the gold in gymnastics? A group of American teenagers getting a higher score than Chinese kids? That never happens.” HomeHappensKidsFunnyGroupsTeamHigherGoldChineseTeenagerScoreOlympicsThrillingGymnasticsLondon Olympics Author:Jay Leno
“Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.” MenHomeFunnyCoursesHouseWinningTeamGoldSoccerUpsetLos AngelesMexicoOlympicsCongratulationsMedalMexicanBrazilGold MedalsLondon OlympicsSoccer Team Author:Jay Leno
“Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he has been running since he was in elementary school - kind of like Mitt Romney.” KnowsMenKindHas BeensRunningSchoolFunnyGoldOlympicsRomneyBoltsMeterElementary SchoolLondon Olympics Author:Jay Leno
“It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.” FunnyRaceRecordsGoldMealsSecondsOlympicsToiletsBoltsMcdonaldsMeterLondon OlympicsRecords Breaking Author:Conan O'Brien
“The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold.” IfsNeedsTodayFunnyWinningOne ThingEventsGoldHorseShameOlympicsCompetingMedalRomneyLondon OlympicsDressage Author:Conan O'Brien
“Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.” HandsFunnyWinningPayGoldDebtChineseOlympicsTrailsMedalGold MedalsLondon Olympics Author:Stephen Colbert
“Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'” FunnyRecordsGoldCastsYesterdayAll TimeChestsShoreOlympicsMedalJerseyLondon OlympicsJersey Shore Author:Conan O'Brien
“So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.” MadeShowsHomeKidsFunnyWaitingGoldAthleteChinaChineseGentlemanOlympicsMedalGold MedalsLadies And GentlemenLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.” HardFunnyWinningSocialLossMediaGoldBlameSocial MediaDefenseSwimmingOlympicsMedalAustralianTweetGold MedalsSwimmerLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.” IfsWellsCountryUseFunnyWinningGoldCashOlympicsMedalGold MedalsEuropean CountriesLondon Olympics Author:David Letterman
“The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.” FunnyNextWinningGoldBlindSouthAthleteScaredOlympicsMedalKoreaGold MedalsSouth KoreaArcheryLondon Olympics Author:Jimmy Fallon