“The place I feel most at home is when I have health insurance. I really don't care how I get it, whether it's on film, or television or waiting tables, you know?” KnowsFeelsHomeCareFilmWaitingTelevisionTablesDon't CareWaiting Tables Author:Benjamin Walker
“The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple.” KnowsNamesThirdsTablesWineGlassesBarsBest ThingsDo You KnowCandlePlatesWine GlassNipplesFinsQuizIkea Author:Greg Gutfeld
“If, after the first twenty minutes, you don't know who the sucker at the table is, it's you.” IfsKnowsFirstsMinutesTwentiesTablesGamblingSucker Author:David Levien
“My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.” IfsKnowsDoeStoriesDifferencesAudienceMaterialsTablesDinnerDinner Table Author:Jackie Mason