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Land Quotes

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Land Quotes

“Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.”

People Funny Found Water Comedy Land Travel

Author:David Letterman

“Yet another spunky li'l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li'l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it.”

Funny Science Universe Land Rocks Photograph Suspicion Robots Identical Nasa

Book:Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far)

Source: Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far)

“Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.”

Source: The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit

“A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.”

Doe Humor Funny Half Land

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial.”

Men Two Reason Play Character Humor Funny Land Financial Reason Why

Author:Arthur Adamov

“You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."”

Wells Stories Humor Funny Guy Land Mines Arms Legs Snow Teeth Bottles Whiskey Taffy

Author:Dave Attell

“You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"”

Thinking Humor Funny Guy Magic Land Buttons Monkeys Sandwiches Trays

Author:Dylan Moran

“As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.”

Years Humor Funny Watches Land Planes Airports Passengers Glasgow

Author:Frankie Boyle

“RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.”

Doe Has Beens Hard Humor Funny Land New York Flight Hard Times Dublin

Author:Frankie Boyle

“He might want to watch where he lands when tackling that guy, because he could really hurt his hand if it gets stepped on.”

Ifs Want Hands Might Funny Guy Hurt Watches Land Nfl That Guy Tackling

Author:John Madden