“Vladimir Putin bribed a soccer official with a Picasso painting so he would support Russia's bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Putin was like, 'It wasn't Picasso, just picture of what his face would look like if he said no.' (Nose over here, eye up here, ear in forehead.)” IfsWorldLooksSaidEyeFacesSupportPaintingEarsRussiaCupsSoccerNosesOfficialsHostPutinForeheadsWorld Cup Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Liverpool's grand opera also gave us some light comedy - on hearing the news that the house of goalkeeper Pepe Reina was burgled, and his Porsche stolen, while he was heroically saving penalties at Anfield, fans took a typically witty line: police were said to be interviewing a man from the West London area, a certain Frank Lampard, whose whereabouts on Tuesday between 7.45pm and 10.15pm are unknown. Indeed.” MenSaidLightCertainHouseLinesComedyFansFootballNewsAreasPoliceWestWittyHearingLondonSavingSoccerAnalysisOperaFrankPenaltiesStolenLiverpoolTuesdayGoalkeepersPorscheWhereaboutsAnfield Author:Declan Lynch
“One of the reserves came up to me and said 'I'm finding it a bit hard, it's the first time I've ever been dropped'. So I told him to do what Nick Faldo does and work at his game. Next thing I know he's doing exactly what Faldo does, he's taken up golf.” KnowsFirstsDoeSaidHardNextGamesBitsTakenFootballFindingsFirst TimeGolfManagersSoccerReservesChairman Author:Ron Atkinson
“I said to them last week that I'd like them to win ugly and they certainly won ugly today. That was the ugliest thing I've seen since the ugly sisters fell out of the ugly tree.” SaidTodayLastsWinningTreeWeekFootballUglyManagersSoccerChairman Author:Terry Butcher
“There has been lots of things said about me over the years. I am happy to comment on people's opinion in football I respect, but Tony Cascarino is a man I certainly do not respect, for a lot of reasons, and if I told you, you would be shocked. So the day I worry about Tony Cascarino will be a very sad day of my life.” PeopleIfsMenYearsHas BeensSaidReasonWould BeOpinionWorryFootballManagersSoccerCommentShockedChairmanVery SadSad Day Author:Roy Keane
“Jesus Christ said turn the other cheek. Unfortunately Luis Figo is not Jesus Christ.” SaidTurnsJesusChristFootballJesus ChristManagersSoccerCheeksChairmanTurn The Other Cheek Author:Luiz Felipe Scolari
“I asked the players: 'Do you want to enjoy the game? Or do you want to enjoy after the game?' The players told me they wanted to enjoy after the game so I said: 'OK, then we will enjoy after the game'.” WantSaidWantedGamesEnjoyPlayerFootballManagersSoccerChairman Author:Jose Mourinho
“You don't look for jobs. You don't phone up 10 clubs and say, Here I am. You are offered the job. I was in Benfica many years ago. I was leaving the training ground and I had a car after me. It went on for 10 minutes. Anyhow, he stopped and I stopped and he said, I'm from the Italian embassy. Ah yes, and what do you want? I want your phone number because Roma wants you as a manager next season. Three months later I was sitting on the bench in Roma. I don't think the rest of working society works like football.” ThinkingWantYearsLooksSaidJobsThreeNextNumbersMinutesCarFootballMonthsTrainingSittingYears AgoSeasonsLeavingPhonesClubsManagersSoccerItalianI Want YouChairmanBenchesHere I AmThree MonthsPhone NumbersEmbassySitting On The Bench Author:Sven-Goran Eriksson