“It's fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon, that there is no such thing as a fair deal for any voter in the United States -- You're just not gonna get it. It's a joke -- the people that you vote for, they're the next best thing to criminals. But of course they have money for advertising campaigns that make them look a little bit better than they actually are.” PeopleLooksLittlesStatesCoursesNextBitsUnitedDealsUnited StatesLittle BitJokesFairsVoteObviousCriminalsCampaignsAdvertisingBest ThingsVoters Author:Frank Zappa
“Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global warming is so bad, we are now actually starting to warm up to Barry Bonds.” CountryStatesKidsUnitedUnited StatesSeriousJokesStartingWarmGlobal Warming Author:David Letterman
“Today is Veterans Day. Thank you to all our men and women who have served the United States armed forces. In honor of Veterans Day we are marching out a few jokes that have already served.” MenStatesTodayForceUnitedUnited StatesHonorJokesMen And WomenVeteranArmed ForcesVeterans DayVeterans Day Thank You Author:David Letterman
“If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would be a joke, as it would have occurred to no one else to nominate her.” IfsStatesWould BePresidentUnitedUnited StatesJokesCourtSupremeSupreme CourtNominationsCronies Author:Charles Krauthammer
“Is there any other democracy where the voters are as spoiled as they are in the United States? Especially, of course, in certain states, such as Iowa and New Hampshire, where the old joke is literally true about the citizens who say they haven't yet formed an opinion about a candidate because they've only met the fellow a few times.” StatesCertainCoursesUnitedOpinionUnited StatesDemocracyHavensCitizensMetsJokesFellowsCandidatesVotersLaw EnforcementSpoiledIowaHampshireNew HampshireOld Jokes Author:Michael Kinsley
“In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.” StatesLastsPresidentCommunitySpaceUnitedUnited StatesComedyGayJokesSacredDisasterCowsAcceptablePopeRidiculeThis SocietyChernobylSpace ShuttleBlowing UpGay CommunitySacred Cows Author:Sam Kinison
“When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force.” FirstsKindMadeForceUnitedDrugJokesKingdomsSpiteHelpfulAddictDrug AddictUnited KingdomIndestructibleBlokes Author:Russell Brand