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Old Jokes Quotes

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Old Jokes Quotes

“The whole movie thing has never been a source of great pride for me, in that Burt Reynolds, who starred in the picture, butchered the original script I had written for the late Steve McQueen, and the result, while a massive moneymaker, was lashed by the critics. But like the old joke about Pierre the Bridge Builder, The Cannonball Run is indelibly inscribed on my so-called career portfolio, and few conversations with strangers pass without the subject of the picture arising.”

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Author:Brock Yates
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“There is an old joke about socialism as the synthesis of the highest achievements of the whole human history to date: from prehistoric societies it took primitivism; from the Ancient world it took slavery; from medieval society brutal domination; from capitalism exploitation; and from socialism the name.”

WorldHumansWholeNamesAchievementHighestJokesCapitalismSlaveryAncientSocialismBrutalExploitationDominationHuman HistoryMedievalSynthesisPrehistoricAncient WorldOld Jokes
Book:Revolution at the Gates: A Selection of Writings from February to October 1917
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“An old joke puts its thus, "when a man speaks to a god its prayer , when a god speaks to a man its schizophrenia"... Many people hear voices without suffering any of the debilitating and dysfunctional effects associated with schizophrenia, some treat these as sources of inspiration of develop religious ideas around them, others become mediums or occultists.”

PeopleMenIdeasInspirationSufferingSpeakVoiceReligiousPrayerEffectsSourceJokesTreatsMediumsSchizophreniaSource Of InspirationOld Jokes
Author:Peter J. Carroll
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“Is there any other democracy where the voters are as spoiled as they are in the United States? Especially, of course, in certain states, such as Iowa and New Hampshire, where the old joke is literally true about the citizens who say they haven't yet formed an opinion about a candidate because they've only met the fellow a few times.”

StatesCertainCoursesUnitedOpinionUnited StatesDemocracyHavensCitizensMetsJokesFellowsCandidatesVotersLaw EnforcementSpoiledIowaHampshireNew HampshireOld Jokes
Author:Michael Kinsley
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“Being a military child, we moved a lot and we developed different vernaculars from moving from the south, to the Midwest, and seeing the world. Going from New York to California and from Jamaica Queens to the South, I was always the new kid, or had the army crew haircut. I expected people to pick up on me. My brother kinda stole all of my old jokes. He got his inspiration from me.”

PeopleWorldChildrenDifferentInspirationKidsMovingSeeingMilitaryNew YorkBrotherJokesPicksArmyMovedSouthExpectedCaliforniaQueensMy BrotherCrewHaircutsSeeing The WorldMidwestJamaicaOld Jokes
Author:Joe Torry
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“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

KnowsAgeFunnyCostHumorousAgingSingersOld AgeComedianBirthdayCakeCandleOld PeopleGetting OldFunny InspirationalGetting OlderGrowing OldMy BirthdayOld LadyGetting HighFunny AgingBirthdays And AgingFunny Old Age BirthdayHappy BirthdayYoung And OldYouth And Old AgeAge And YouthInspirational BirthdayFunny AgeStaying YoungAge Of 40Wise BirthdayFunny BirthdayBirthday WishesBirthday CakeOld BirthdayMilestone BirthdayOld JokesYoung BirthdayBirthday CardFunny Happy BirthdayHumorous BirthdayFunny Birthday CardFunny Old BirthdayOld Age HumorBest BirthdayFunny And WittyFunny Birthday WishesBirthday HumorCelebrate BirthdayFunny 40 Year Old BirthdayBirthday Wishes Funny20th BirthdayBirthday GreetingsAging And WisdomHilarious Happy BirthdayAwesome BirthdayFifty Year Olds
Author:Bob Hope
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“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.”

AgeYouthHealthMedicineAgingOld AgeFiftyBirthdayFortyComing Of AgeOld PeopleGetting OldGetting OlderElderlyGrowing OldMy Birthday50th BirthdayMilestoneFunny AgingBirthdays And AgingFunny Old Age BirthdayYouth And Old AgeAge And YouthInspirational BirthdayFunny AgeStaying YoungAge Of 40Inspirational Age30th BirthdayOld BirthdayBeing OldMilestone BirthdayOver The HillOld JokesBirthday CardAge And WisdomFunny Birthday CardFunny Old BirthdayOld Age HumorFunny 40 Year Old BirthdayAge WisdomYouth Funny20th BirthdayAging And WisdomAge Of 20Age Life
Author:Victor Hugo
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“This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and once in a while somebody will buy a 50-year-old bottle of wine and say, "Wait a minute. This has gone bad." The answer is, "Well, that wine isn't for drinking; that's for trading." These $100 bills aren't meant to circulate. They're not to spend on goods and services. They're a store of value. They're a form of saving.”

YearsWellsFormValuesWaitingAnswersGoneMinutesJokesBillsWineDrinkingStoresSavingExpensiveGoodsBottlesCurrencyTradingVintageGoods And ServicesBottles Of WineOld Jokes
Author:Michael Hudson
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“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

AgeYoungLyingWishWomenSecretBeautyFoodAgingHonestlyCleverOld AgeBirthdayStayingOld PeopleGetting OldFunny InspirationalGetting OlderAgeingFunny LifeMy BirthdayLucyGrowing OlderRehabilitationBe YoungFunny AgingBirthdays And AgingFunny Old Age BirthdayHappy BirthdayYouth And Old AgeAge And YouthFunny AgeStaying YoungAge Of 40Wise BirthdayFunny Birthday30th BirthdayBirthday WishesOld BirthdayQuotations Birthday Happy BirthdayMilestone BirthdayOver The HillOld JokesYoung BirthdayBirthday CardFunny Happy BirthdayWitty BirthdayHumorous BirthdayFunny Birthday CardFunny Old BirthdayOld Age HumorFunny Birthday WishesBirthday HumorCelebrate BirthdayFunny 40 Year Old BirthdayBirthday Wishes FunnyYouth Funny20th BirthdayBirthday GreetingsHilarious Happy BirthdayWise AgeAwesome Birthday
Author:Lucille Ball
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“Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.”

AgeRememberPicksAgingSpeedOld AgeHillsBirthdayCongratulationsGetting OldGetting OlderGrowing OldMy BirthdayGrowing OlderFunny AgingBirthdays And AgingBirthday PartyFunny Old Age BirthdayFunny AgeOver 50Age Of 40Wise BirthdayFunny BirthdayInspirational Age30th BirthdayBirthday CakeOld BirthdayQuotations Birthday Happy BirthdayMilestone BirthdayOver The HillOld JokesYoung BirthdayBirthday CardHumorous BirthdayFunny Birthday CardFunny Old BirthdayFunny Birthday WishesCelebrate BirthdayFunny 40 Year Old BirthdayBirthday GreetingsHilarious Happy BirthdayWise AgeAge 30
Author:Arthur Schopenhauer
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“Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.”

SometimesShowsWisdomAgeAgingSillyOld AgeBirthdayComing Of AgeGetting OldGetting OlderGrowing OldGrowing Older50th BirthdayCute FriendshipFunny AgingBirthdays And AgingBirthday PartyFunny Old Age BirthdayHappy BirthdayYouth And Old AgeAge And YouthFunny AgeAge Of 40Wise BirthdayFunny BirthdayWise WisdomQuotations Birthday Happy BirthdayOld JokesBirthday CardProverbs WisdomAge And WisdomFunny Birthday CardFunny Birthday WishesBirthday HumorAge WisdomYouth FunnyBirthday GreetingsAging And WisdomWise AgeOld And Wise
Author:Tom Wilson
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“There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”

KnowsFeelsWellsTwoSufferingBoysLonelinessTerribleMountainJokesYeahMiseryEmsUnhappinessPortionsResortsElderlyOld JokesAnnie HallMisery And Suffering
Author:Woody Allen
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“I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream... I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people's tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.”

PeopleKnowsLooksSoundKnow HowTakenFoodComfortEatingJokesHotCookingWinterTalesEveningApplesCulinaryNutsSugarCreamOld PeopleCrispsEnchantingDoughnutConjunctionsFresh FoodCiderOld JokesRoastingApple CiderSizzling
Book:Mark Twain Himself: A Pictorial Biography
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“An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.”

ThinkingDoeStatesInterestingUnitedClassUnited StatesStudentsSurvivalJokesAskingMeetingsFormerThese DaysProfessorsGraduatesOxfordThesisGraduate StudentsClass SystemOld Jokes
Book:Hitch 22: A Memoir
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“We first got marijuana from an older drummer with another group in Liverpool. We didn't actually try it until after we'd been to Hamburg. I remember we smoked it in the band room in a gig in Southport and we all learnt to do the Twist that night, which was popular at the time. We were all seeing if we could do it. Everybody was saying, 'This stuff isn't doing anything.' It was like that old joke where a party is going on and two hippies are up floating on the ceiling, and one is saying to the other, 'This stuff doesn't work, man.'”

IfsMenTryingFirstsTwoRememberNightStuffRoomsPartySeeingGroupsDrugBandJokesMarijuanaFloatingTwistsGigsHippieCeilingsDrummerLiverpoolOld Jokes
Author:George Harrison
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