“I remember a few years ago I was sitting at home with my wife watching the Oscars. I was sitting on the couch and suddenly heard my voice. It's thrilling. It's interesting that a lot of guys do me. I have a friend who does me on his answering machine so when I call him I talk to myself. I don't really know what that comes from. It doesn't seem to me that I speak in a strange way. My wife says Kevin's (Spacey) the best.” KnowsWayYearsDoeHomeSeemsRememberGuySpeakVoiceInterestingWifeHeardStrangeSittingYears AgoMachinesMy WifeOscarsThrillingCouchesKevinAnswering Machines Author:Christopher Walken
“The president of a TV network generously agreed to take his company's aptitude test, a test required of all the personnel. He did badly. As a result he was in a sullen mood for the rest of the day. When he got home that night, his wife asked why he looked so grouchy. I took the company's aptitude test this morning. What did it show? asked the wife. It showed, boomed the executive, that such tests are idiotic. That's what it showed.” ShowsHomeNightPresidentResultsCompanyMorningWifeTvsTestsMoodExecutivesIdioticAptitudePersonnelSullenGrouchyAptitude Test Author:Joey Bishop
“There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten country of ours? What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids - she's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately no, there's no excuse. You're going to have to let her drown that third one.” IfsMeanLongDoeTwoCountryHomeRunningKidsSoundBlackChallengesWhiteWifeViolenceThirdsExcusePopsWhat IfComing HomeBlack And WhiteDomestic ViolenceNo ExcusesKindergartenLong DayExcuse You Author:Daniel Tosh
“I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!” SelfHelpingHomeSidesWalksWifeDoorsCarFrontsRainGoldFishesMy WifeJacketsPouringFront DoorsPouring Rain Author:Bill Engvall
“I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.” PeopleMenNeedsI CanHomeAmericaCausesBlackWhiteWifeComplainingRacistComing Home Author:J. B. Smoove
“My wife loves me but she don't like me. I'm still in the trenches every day. I'm still buildin' my name, and it's growin' rapidly, but not fast enough to where I can relax at home with my kids and my wife. I'm always on the road, 3 months at a time, 6 months at a time.” StillsI CanEnoughHomeKidsNamesWifeMonthsMy WifeLike MeRelaxTrenchesDon't Like MeWives Love Author:Aaron Dontez Yates
“When I am sitting home, and I am happy and I have my TV show and I don't need to work and I'm married now and I like to be in line by my pool with my yoga instructor wife and eating fruit and taking in the sun, then life is good.” NeedsShowsHomeLife IsLinesSunWifeTvsEatingMarriedYogaSittingFruitPoolTv ShowsInstructorsLife Is Good Author:Alec Baldwin
“Alan Alda and his wife Arlene are two of the most life-affirming people I've ever met. He espoused equal rights for women while producing, writing, acting in and directing M*A*S*H; he used to commute between the set and home because he didn't want to disrupt his kids' schooling.” PeopleWantWritingTwoHomeKidsUsedActingWifeRightsMetsEqualEqual RightsSchoolingAffirmingLife Affirming Author:Sanjeev Bhaskar
“I don't shop online, but my wife buys everything at home. We buy sea crabs, fresh crabs, all kinds of things.” KindHomeWifeSeaMy WifeAll KindsShopsOnlineCrabs Author:Jack Ma
“I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'” LooksSaidFactsShowsHomeRealityAmericaNextPresidentWatchesWifeExcitingVicesFamiliarInterviewsCharlieVice PresidentMccainPalinReality Shows Author:Jay Leno