“A good thing to do is to think about what people have done. Not only people that you've read about in books or seen on the news or heard mentioned in deliberate conversation, and not only deeds that are noteworthy. It's good to think about all the possibilities of what people have probably done. The scope of what's possible, statistical probabilities of unique behavior and unusual action in the 200,000 years that people have existed because there are more than 7 billion of us alive right now and that's not including the number of people who have ever lived. Within those numbers exist captivating, eccentric, strange, fanciful variation, when you consider what people have probably done. Like, every time you've had an impulse that you've held back, imagine that there has been a person who has had that same impulse and gone through with it, because there probably has been. Imagine any type of person and any type of story having happened because when you do that, it feels like you're creating, but you're probably not. Imagine, considering the magnitude of these numbers and the variables within each human being, that all possibilities have occurred. If physical anomalies like twins born with bodies totally fused together resembling two-headed, eight limbed, human spiders, or a man born with a shrunken female head affixed to the back of his own head, which was animated without being consciously controlled by him, then imagine that anything you can imagine has occurred. However typical or atypical, these things you're imagining have happened. These people you're thinking of have been.” PhilosophyStoriesHumanityImaginationMultiverseProbabilitiesInfinities Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“There may very well have been a tennis player named Dennis whose only reason for playing tennis was for the thrill of the rhyme. There may have even been two Tennis Dennises. In fact, with billions and billions of people, 200,000 years, give or take the years before tennis was a sport, there may have even been three. You might find that thinking this way expands your freedom, your consideration of your own capability, the spectrum of what all people can be, and can do.” PhilosophyHumanityImaginationExistenceTennisMultiverseProbabilities Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“I know I will never be alone. The baby will make me a god. When I am a god, I can create whatever I want.” GodImaginationCreationBabyEgoParentingMotherhoodControlChild Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“And I said, "See, this is passion" You beamed and glowed And it was at me But it was not for me I wilted and you were the live one And as quickly as it came, it left And we both slumped And the little life left in me wanted to go And I spoke to that part Take that little life and leave It can be bigger again But you asked me to stay Saying Help Me over and over And just like you knew I would want to talk about wounded birds You always knew that I always wanted to help So I killed myself and I stayed And we were casualties together Finally connected.” LifePassionRelationshipSacrificePoemTragedyManipulationWounded Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“We're told there does a world exist Spinning beyond our roof We slept outside again last night We're looking for the proof” LovePoetryPassionRelationshipPoemTogethernessAbsorbed Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“The locker room is so quiet around them. Older girl walks away and Amber has to slowly continue changing her clothes and try not to shake from a more potent blend of confusion and embarrassment than I had yet experienced or imagined or knew to fear.” SchoolFearChildhoodArgumentMemoryConfusionEmbarrassmentGirlhood Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“I'm overwhelmed with that powerful blend of confusion and withering embarrassment that leaves a person motionless and forces a brain to move forward as if it hadn't witnessed the incident that fashioned the feeling.” SchoolChildhoodMemoryConfusionOverwhelmedEmbarrassment Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“When Huy was young, his classmates called him "wee wee” because of an unfortunate linguistic coincidence that shaped the part of him that constructs identity beneath a title. When he dwelled on the identity that his name began constructing for him in childhood, a loud American Schoolyard memory of boys and girls yelling "wee wee" at him was dominant, within a mental file full of similar confusion that came back to him as obnoxious, repetitive shaming.” SchoolNamesChildhoodIdentityMemoryBullyingAmerican Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Middle School is such a perfect name for middle school. If I were told that there was a commission for nationwide title submissions for the grades between elementary and high and a committee was appointed to boil down the entries in search of a name that was simple, public friendly, easy to spell, syllabically chantable (Mid-dle-school! Mid-dle-school!) devoid of possible copyright infringement, and most importantly, evocative of the emotion of being In Limbo, and Middle School was the out and out winner, I would believe that.” SchoolChildhoodMemoryMiddle SchoolPurgatoryLimbo Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“This is the first fight that I've been around for and I know instantly that the terrible adrenaline flung into the crowd with the force of two flailing fighters will never be my drug.” SchoolChildhoodAnxietyMemoryAdrenalineFights Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“This cellulite on her stomach is the first time that I ponder the relationship between popularity and imperfection and it is the very first time that I realized that they coexist.” SchoolChildhoodImperfectionPopularityBody ImageGirlhood Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“She asks me if I'm new. I feel how badly the question "Are you new?" stings when you're not new.” SchoolChildhoodMemoryEmbarrassmentCafeteriaNew Kid Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“My stomach is in instant pain and I feel that terrible adrenaline again. I hate the crowd even more than the fighters and I see myself learning that proximity to pain is a particular pain of its own.” SchoolPainFightingChildhoodEmpathyMemoryAdrenalineFights Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“One great thing about the course of life is that there will be a multitude of times when you'll think to yourself, "I wish everything could be just like this, all the time." And you'll think it more than once. And you'll mean it more each time.” LifePhilosophyObservationWishing Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“So this is my fate I am doomed to remain In this place that my crooked heart led I won't be fooled again From now on I know Wisdom means to follow my head” HeartWisdomFateRelationshipPoemInstinctDoomHead Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“He taught me the mark of a Grand Gesture - that it wouldn't be missed if it weren't done. A Grand Gesture lives in the mind of the giver and is never even a consideration in the mind of the gifted.” RelationshipsKindnessObservationConsiderationGiftsGrand Gestures Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“You knew I was alive That's why you talked to me about wounded birds You knew I would talk about wounded birds I didn't know you were a wounded bird” RelationshipPoemWounded Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“I was fawning I think I thought you were fawning There was life around everything we touched Most of me was very alive And I think I thought you wanted to be” LifeAliveRelationshipPoemBreakdownFawning Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“It was important for me to understand that I was only a very small part of her picture. She was a person before she was my grandmother, and that was something I had never precisely considered.” LifeFamilyChildhoodEmpathyMemoryGrandmother Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“When I fell, I instantly had my "Oh, That's Why" realization and I would have known not to rollerskate through the house again, even if I had been alone. There is a loss of dignity that a child experiences when they've just suffered the consequences of something they were warned against by the Wiser One while the Wiser One gloats for being wiser, especially when the gloating is packaged as anger. But I was too young to examine gloating or anger or wisdom and she, the mother of a timid child who rarely got hurt, had not had many opportunities to consider the vulnerable state of an injured kid. We were both green and hurt and scared in this new way, together. As an adult, it helps me to view my mom as a singular woman beyond her role in my life, but also, as a child herself who does not, in fact, possess knowledge of all things. Our mother-daughter relationship was this huge, life-altering thing that we are both experiencing for the first time, at the same rate and we don't have answers, we only have things that we're trying out. This was true for my grandmother too; she was learning to be alive for the first time.” LifeMotherFamilyChildhoodEmpathyDaughterMemoryMotherhoodGrandmother Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Maybe if she would have written things down in a notebook; details smaller than her life. Maybe if she would have turned them into a song. Maybe if she had a picture. These are the ways to remember things that your mind doesn't on its own commit. However it chooses what it does to commit. However.” LifeSongMemoryDetailsNotebookRememberingPictures Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Huy smiled every time he remembered to smile, to send a message that he wasn't unhappy. He had learned how to stop people from asking him what was wrong. He wasn't unhappy, he was happy to come and he was happy to watch and he was happy to listen and laugh. He figured his friends must have thought he did not have any opinions on the things they were discussing, but he did, and he wrote them down when he got home. Just because you're not good at speaking, doesn't mean you're not good at listening and thinking, he wrote on the inside front cover of his black and white speckled composition notebook.” ThinkingListeningThoughtsJournalOpinionsSpeakingIntroversionSocialising Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Also, someone stating that an experience being experienced a certain way, takes away from the experience, is absurd to me. "If you've never been in the lake with no clothes on before, then you've never been in the lake" is an outrageous statement, and a false one. I would venture to guess that the experience would be the same, with or without clothes, due to the relatively unrestrictive nature of swimwear. To be fair though, because I do value fairness and demand it from others, I could be wrong about my assessment of this. I, myself, have never been in the lake.” ThoughtsLakesJournalExperiencesOpinions Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Sometimes, I really buy into the romanticism of the city and I think about the little places my future children will learn that their mother visited and it will seem to them untouchable, magical, and historical in a relatable way.” ChildrenHistoryFutureMotherhoodRomanticism Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“I'm dead if I'm not wired Crucified if not proclaimed Cut off if not in contact Devoid of soul if not ashamed Terminal if not content Last in line if not number one Sorrowful if not elated All is lost if all's not won Eternal tipping of the scales They fail to balance out Doomed to drown in rushing floods Or perish in a drought” PhilosophyPoetryPoemExtremesComplexityBlack And WhiteNuance Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“...without thinking the follow-up thought that prevents a person from following through with the original, she throws the tea in the mug at the screen and watches it drip down, while now, finally, allowing the follow-up thought to come through, the thought that would have stopped her from throwing the tea at the screen in the first place. She feels two things: recognizable regret and dim, unfamiliar power.” PowerRegretThoughtObservationTeaImpulse Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Again the news crawl of Meg's words made its way across the designated space in his head. This time, size 14 font, white lettering on a black background, the first letter of each word capitalized: This Divide Between Us Is Made Up Of Things That You Haven't Done. The Problem I Have Is With The Things That You Don't Do.” PhilosophyActionFearPossibilityMemoryDivisionInactionDivide Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“Nothing is free now that we're all adults.” ChildhoodCapitalismSellingBuyingAdulthoodFree Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“He remembered it being a midnight movie, but most hours of the dark feel like midnight when you're seven.” ChildhoodMemoryMidnightMovies Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“He rolled his window back up and turned off the radio, thinking about all the other possible lives that he would never be challenged to live.” LifePrivilegePossibilitiesOther PeopleOther Lives Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“In an instant, she was free from this small commitment and any kind of freedom feels good. She much preferred that invites came faceless this way, so she could say No without saying anything at all. A voice without a voice; what a rare, modern treat. The world made it easier all the time for her to feel connected, but alone, and therefore free.” FreedomModernSocial MediaIsolationConnectionModern LifeSocialising Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“His tone had been regretfully similar to a man's he had never met, but who remained ingrained in him as an example of what to never become.” AngerMemoryToneBad Example Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“I tell ya, the live ones put more death in the place than the dying. In the time I was there. I watched my grandma try to tell the same story three times to two nurses and one doctor and she was told to stop talking each time. She'd barely get two sentences out before they'd shush her. She's dying. Silence won't save her, let her talk.” DeathOld AgeHealthcareElderlyHospitalUncaringUnempathetic Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“No, you're not numb. In fact, you are quite the opposite. You feel things so extraordinarily with the very power of your imagination that by the time they occur in real life, the tangible event simply cannot compare to the feeling you made with your mind.” RealityImaginationEmpathyFeelingNumb Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla
“This is why I'm against marrying young. When you're young, you marry your holes and burrow into them like a childhood bed, until you realize that you've outgrown the bed, and then it's, you know, the hassle of wanting a new bed, of looking for a new bed, of getting a new bed, assembling the bed, adjusting to the bed. I don't want to be reminded of my childhood bed.” LoveRelationshipsChangeMarriageYoung LoveImmaturityMarrying Young Book:Handsome Vanilla Source: Handsome Vanilla