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Shame

Book by Annie Ernaux · 10 quotes · Self, Bounds, Children

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Shame Quotes

“From then on, that Sunday was like a veil that came between me and everything I did. I would play, I would read, I would behave normally but somehow I wasn't there. Everything had become artificial. I had trouble learning my lessons, when before I only needed to read them once to know them by heart. Acutely aware of everything around me and yet unable to concentrate., I lost my insouciance and natural ability to learn. (...) I waited for the scene to be repeated. I was positive it would happen again. I found the presence of customers comforting, dreading the moments when my parents and I were alone, in the evenings and on Sunday afternoons. I was on the alert as soon as they raised their voices; I would scrutinize my father, his expression, his hands. In every sudden silence I would read the omens of disaster. Every day at school I wondered whether, on returning home, I would be faced with the aftermath of a tragedy.”

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“—Demostrando un punto. —Me desvestí hasta que estuve completamente desnudo—. No puedo ocultarme de ti. —Levanté los brazos en el aire—. Sería imposible ocultar la reacción de mi cuerpo... con sólo mirar... estoy así. Con sólo mirarte, cada músculo individual en mi cuerpo se tensa. Sólo viendo tu sonrisa, concentrándome en aquellos ojos azules, lo olvido todo menos a ti. Tu sabor, tus labios, tu boca. —Me moví hacia el piso—. Mi cuerpo no puede mentir... —La besé suavemente—. Y créeme cuando digo que no te miento con mis palabras. Aquí... —Toqué su pecho—, eres hermosa. Aquí... —acaricié su mejilla—, es imposible no mirarte. Para mí eres perfecta. •capítulo 42”

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“I expect nothing from Psychoanalysis or therapy, whose rudimentary conclusions became clear to me a long time ago--- a domineering mother, a father whose submissiveness is shattered by a murderous gesture... To state "it's a childhood trauma" or "that day the idols were knocked off their pedestal" does nothing to explain a scene which could only be conveyed by the expression that came to me at the time: to breathe disaster. Here abstract speech fails to reach me.”

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