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Carol Lee Biography

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“Deception' is the word I most associate with anorexia and the treachery which comes from falsehood. The illness appears inviting. It would seem to offer something to those unwary or unlucky enough to suffer from it - friendship, a get-out, or a haven - when, in fact, it is a trap.”

Illness Mental Illness Deception Falsehood Escape Self Deception Anorexia Eating Disorder Treachery Trap Anorexia Nervosa Anoretic False Friend Haveb

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“her eyes are unfathomable to me, hostile, even, as if she had removed herself to a place where I cannot reach her - somewhere I cannot know.”

Mental Illness Emotional Pain Anorexia Eating Disorder Miles Away Emotional Distance Emotional Barriers Emotional Disengagement

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“She fails to see who I am, even, for her eyes do not, will not, take me in. Instead they transmit a powerful message. She is like a billboard flashing, starkly: 'Keep Out'.”

Mental Illness Isolation Mental Disorder Withdrawn Emotional Distance Ignoring People Emotional Disengagement

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“Emma cites the structure of the [Eating Disorder] Unit as being important to her decision to disengage from her illness, and the fact that she felt safe in it, and cared for. 'It was the first time I'd been in an environment where I felt comfortabe with all the people around me. I felt "I can be here and I can talk to anybody" and that was something that had been missing from my life'.”

Anorexia Eating Disorder Bulimia Mental Hospital Psychiatric Hospitals Anorexia Recovery Bulimia Recovery Feeling Safe Eating Disorder Causes Psychiatric Unit

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“My parents never recognized the things that for me were achievements. I was praised for the things that came naturally to me, like my intelligence, but when I really put all my effort into looking nice (trying to), it went unrecognised. No-one ever told me I looked pretty or nice, or that I was a beautiful person (to them) and I needed them to...”

Body Image Low Self Esteem Emotional Neglect Unmet Needs Childhood Neglect Feeling Ignored Feeling Ugly Feeling Unloved

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“There was another problem with Emma's father, difficult for a small child who already thought of herself as greedy - his way of trying to keep her attention, to bribe her, with gifts. On each vof her visits, he would appear with you presents, beautifully wrapped> And her confusion that she liked - and wanted - the presents, but not the man, was painful. He used 'sparkly Sellotape' and cut things into nice shapes and she wistfully writes: I wish he'd be able to translate that care into his treatment of me.”

Confusion Emotional Pain Emotional Neglect Bad Parenting Skills Mixed Messages

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“Whatever it was her father wanted, Emma did not know how to provide it. She felt confused by what he did, and imagined the problem was a lack in her, rather than him. And there was something else: My dad was always late when we had our meetings - i i never wanted to go in the first place, and then i'd be sitting and waiting, feeling so ugly and worthless because i wasn't worth being on time for . . . One time when my father was late he said he fell asleep . . . I wouldn't let myself cry in front of him.”

Father Worthlessness Emotional Needs Emotional Neglect

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“I started crying when the group [therapy] was over because the last thing we did upset me - we all held a piece of the same cloth, leaned back and supported each other's weight. I couldn't do it. I bent my legs and elbows and stood very firm, yet . . . I needed to feel supported, as i do in life, but i can't let myself be, and i pretend not to need that support.”

Fear Anxiety Asking For Help Interpersonal Relationships Group Therapy Relying On Others Ask For Help Asking For Help From Others Counterdependency

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“I think maybe they come out into the grounds in nightwear. But no, in typical anorexic stype they have read the fashion magazines literally. This is their version of thin girls in strappy clothes. The girl in the petticoat talks to me, as Emma has done on occsasion, in a rather grand style, as if she is a 'lady' of some substance and I a visiting guest. Do they chat much about clothes? I ask Emma in the car. She shakes her head. So, does she, Emma, see the difference between underwear or nightwear and 'going out' clothes? 'Yes,' she says, her voices strained again. 'But it's one of the things you don't know properly when you're ill and confused. You see these pictures and the people in the magazines are real for you.”

Reality Mental Illness Anorexia Anorexia Nervosa Anorexic Fashion Magazine

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“The reasons for Emma's illness and for her decision to allow life in, rather than die, are intertwined and involve the beginnings of her feelings of belonging, of safety and of competence to be in the world.”

Mental Illness Eating Disorder Eating Disorder Recovery Anorexia Nervosa Eating Disorder Causes

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“Locking away appetite, anger, the fullness of life, anorexia helps cover up whatever struggles inside. With its controlling bouts of bingeing and starvation, of trance and half-life, it becomes a shield to fend off despair and longing and what most of us would see as ordinary responsible behavior.”

Mental Illness Anorexia Eating Disorder Binge Eating Unhealthy Coping

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“I was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is "starved". I felt starved of affection, starved of love and I felt that it wasn't OK to ask for it. Maybe there was a sense that if I deserved it, it would be there. There must be something I'd done which meant I didn't deserve it.”

Starving Anorexia Eating Disorder Unloved Lack Of Love Emotional Neglect Unmet Needs Self Blame Starved

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