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“Since compulsive gamblers are master manipulators, the gambling children will attempt to capitalize on their parents' feelings of guilt and despair. They will beg, plead, blame, set one parent against the other and play all manner of other games designed to get the parents to bail them out of each worsening situation.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Grandparents are often a favored target as are siblings. Siblings are often coerced into keeping the gamblers' secrets as well as giving the gamblers money. This can cause even more rifts in the family as the other children begin to lie to the parents to cover for their siblings. The gamblers, in the meantime, will continue to manipulate all these family members in order to achieve their goals of obtaining more money and time to gamble.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Some adult children of compulsive gamblers may identify with the gamblers, mimicking their behavior. Others may become the protectors of the non-gambling parent. Even though these children abhor gambling and may have grown up to dislike and distrust the gambling parent, they may actually help the gambler keep secrets so the non-gambling parent does not become upset. They might give the gambler money so the other parent does not suffer the financial and emotional consequences of the gambling. Some children will strive throughout their adulthood to secure the love and attention of the gambling parent, continuing to give money to the gambler, even to the detriment of their own relationships and financial security. For some children, their only choice is to physically and emotionally abandon their parents in order to strive, unencumbered by their parents' problems, to live a normal life.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“In the beginning one may fail to recognize compulsive gambling as a serious problem. The loved ones may participate as part of their social entertainment, enjoying the excitement and glamour of vacations in places such as Las Vegas and similar destinations.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers lose and are remorseful. The non-gamblers are consoled in the mistaken belief that the gambling is only intermittent and thus accept any promise made to never gamble again. Months pass between gambling episodes. Most of the time, however, there is ongoing gambling which remains hidden from view.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“In the third stage of gambling, the illness escalates and exerts an even stronger pull on the gambler. Family relationships deteriorate, friends are gone, emotions are strained, and finances are ruined. Life becomes meaningless and the players proceed down the pathway to the complete destruction of one another.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Are we doing for the gamblers what they must do for themselves? Are we accepting behavior that is unacceptable? Are we taking responsibility which is not ours to take? Are we shirking our responsibilities to self and others? Are we in a state of denial about the reality of our situation? Are we continually reacting to the gamblers, or are we taking our own appropriate actions?”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers may make statements such as: "If you weren't always nagging me and making life miserable, I wouldn't need to gamble." "You know how hard I work and you begrudge me my hobby." "If you were a better spouse... " "If you didn't spend so much I wouldn't need to gamble." "If you hadn't made me so angry, I wouldn't have had to leave the house to calm down." "Sitting at the computer is the only way I can relax after one of your stupid fights." "If you paid more attention to me, I wouldn't gamble."   Usually, the accusations are much more subtle and more difficult to deal with.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“[The non-gamblers] can’t help but wonder if they could have stopped the gamblers from gambling if only they had done or said something differently. The fact is that whether or not the non-gamblers continue to play this game and join in the argument created by the gamblers, the gamblers get to gamble.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“If my husband ever felt guilt, he never showed it. I always felt guilty. My efforts to stop him from gambling or change his horrible behavior always ended up with me apologizing for making him angry, or not trusting him, or making him feel inadequate as a person and as a provider for his family.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“My gambler put blame on me for any problem that might occur. This kept me tripping over myself to prove that I was a good person and blameless. These "blame sessions" never really ended; they just moved on to the next time my gambler had the opportunity to indulge his need to take the focus off his gambling behavior.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Sunday was my husband's day to do what he wanted, when he wanted to do it. All he wanted to do was watch sports while changing channels constantly, listen to the radio and make phone calls. When I asked him to go with the children and me to the park or to someone's house, he yelled that he works hard all week and I am begrudging him his only hobby. He never gave that up to spend the day with us.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers always seem to be submerged in one serious financial or emotional crisis after another. Sometimes the crisis endangers the family's lifestyle or assets and sometimes it affects only the gamblers' quality of life. Regardless, the non-gamblers often make the unhealthy choice of not allowing the gamblers to experience their own crises and instead proceed to find ways to fix the situation. The behaviors shown by the non-gamblers may include:   Co-signing notes; Lying to creditors and employers; Asking family members for money; Making restitution for bad checks written by the gambler; Making excuses for the gambler; Paying the gamblers' debts; Compromising their own credit; Doing whatever is necessary to keep the gamblers out of jail; Making life more manageable for the gamblers.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“I was standing in the way of my gambler's recovery by treating his symptoms with bailouts and sympathy, taking on his responsibilities and softening his consequences. He couldn't feel how bad his illness was because I was helping him numb the pain it caused him.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“My husband lied to me about why we needed money and in turn I lied to my father about why we needed money. My father took out a bank loan to give us the money and gave the payment book to my husband. When my husband missed a payment, I lied to my father, telling him that I forgot to pay it.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The non-gamblers come to believe that the gamblers are not capable of better social conversation, better social interaction, or involvement in worthy pursuits. They may attribute this to reasons that have nothing to do with gambling, such as exhaustion from work, bad childhood experiences, lack of confidence, etc. The unacceptable behavior becomes the norm in this environment, and the non-gamblers settle into believing the gamblers are ‘incapable’ rather than ‘ill.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“My aunt remarked to me how silent my husband always seemed to be. He never participated in dinner discussions and often retreated into the bedroom when the family was together. Once in recovery he emerged as a man with the ability to join in conversation and not run off to his private world. I had come to believe he was incapable of socializing. I came to understand that retreat was what he did as a gambler.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Even in the face of current losses, the gamblers are convinced that the next bet will result in a win so huge that all debts will be paid, and there will be money left over to buy that house, or take the family on vacation, or buy the new car.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Years after my husband stopped gambling he was speaking at a combined GA/Gam-Anon meeting. He mentioned the time he phoned me after he left the racetrack to tell me that he won and I was going to be able to buy the new winter coat I needed. I never received that call. The fantasy he created that night was so real that years later he remembered it as if it really happened.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“Gamblers hide the compulsive gambling so well that the non-gamblers are unaware of it. They may be aware of recreational, affordable gambling, but have no idea that the gambling has gone beyond that. The gamblers use access to family funds, business funds, credit lines and credit cards to gamble and use the love and trust of non-gamblers to their advantage.”

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Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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“The gamblers calculate exactly how much time spent with family and friends, how much loving attention given to them, and how much money spent on and with them will be enough and not draw awareness to the time, attention and money that is being withheld.”

AddictionGamblingGamblerGambling AddictGambling AddictionProblem GamblingGamblers AnonymousGam Anon
Book:GAMES COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and WE PLAY Second Edition
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