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Josh Hatcher Biography

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“Feelings are great, and they have a purpose, but it’s certainly not to guide your life. Whoever said, “Follow your heart” was a fool. Your “heart” is your emotional center. Emotions have a great purpose - to allow us to enjoy life, to mourn loss, to have a tangible way to experience love - but feelings are fickle, and they are not meant to be the guiding force in our life.”

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“Often, when a man encounters a moment of extreme trial, his inner fears come out in the form of a specific kind of excuse. I hate to dismiss those excuses as only that, because they also often reveal a deep truth about that man, and what he believes about himself. I am not strong enough. I am not smart enough. I am not rich enough. I am not young enough. I am not old enough. I am not MAN enough. Men. These are lies. These are weapons fashioned to bring you down.”

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“Women are awesome! I may not agree with the politics behind a lot of contemporary feminism, I like to think that feminism at it’s core is a good thing. Women are not our underlings, they are not subservient, they are not objects created for our pleasure. They are our equals, and should be treated with the same respect and dignity that we expect for ourselves.”

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“From the time boys are young, they enter contests, either alone or with their brothers, and their fathers – to see how strong they are. Wrestling, weightlifting, arm-wrestling, “bloody knuckles,” Chinese hot-hands, even thumb wrestling. This wild behavior may seem reminiscent of goats butting their heads against each other, or bears mawing at each other’s necks…. But it’s a part of who we are. We don’t necessarily outgrow it. And that rough and tumble tug-of-war helps shape us, helps bond us together, and helps remind us who we want on our side if there is a time to fight. The call of the wild pushes men to success. It drives men to be refreshed in nature. As long as we wrap it up in silk and lace and soap, it will still be there.”

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“What we need to do is treat some of our thoughts like door to door salesmen. If someone comes to your door and asks if he can come inside and throw some dirt on your floor to demonstrate his vaccuum cleaner - you would probably tell him “No thanks! See you later!” And yet - if a friend stopped by with a meatloaf and wanted to visit - we’d say “Come on in!” We need to stop being PASSIVE about what thoughts can take residence in our head.”

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Book:Manlihood: The 12 Pillars of Masculinity
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“I’ve known men who fought in wars to liberate the Jews from Hitler. I’ve known men who sewed their own buttons on their clothes. I’ve known men who talked with a lisp and wore paisley shirts, and men who could chop down trees, and run heavy equipment. Other men were more comfortable in a suit and tie, with soft hands, and a penchant for math, or words. Some men are adventurers, others prefer comic books. Masculinity has never just been one thing.”

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“If you make your woman your EVERYTHING - then your EVERYTHING hangs on her perfection. And we all know she doesn't have perfection any more than you do. Do not look for spiritual fulfillment from a woman. Do not look to a woman to give you value. Do not expect a woman to give you purpose. Do not look for redemption from a woman. Do not expect her to meet every need that you have. Do not make her your god. She is incapable of being that for you. There are things no woman can ever give you. I believe many of those things come from God. Whether you do or not, I can tell you this - you cannot find them in a woman. She may be able to help on your journey to find those things, but she can't give them to you.”

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“It’s easy to see how far you are from your desired outcome. It’s easy to see that you are not the man you want to be. The easy thing is not always the best thing. It’s also easy to get discouraged about the marathon that you are only a fifth of the way through. Instead of focusing solely on the hard work and pain ahead of you, take the time to celebrate the steps you have made, the milestones you have passed.”

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“Do not let your boss, your spouse, your kids, your neighbors, or anyone push you around or walk all over you. This does not mean you need to be a butt-hole - but you may need to draw some clear lines for the people in your life. Want to do it right? Communicate expectations clearly, and consistently. People cannot treat you the way you want them to treat you unless you tell them HOW to treat you.”

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“The answers to today's problems are not to eschew masculinity. We do not need to redefine masculinity. We need to reclaim it. We need to affirm the masculinity, the rough and tumble, the competition, and the discipline needed to teach boys right from wrong. We need to be able to give them safe avenues to express themselves, and to model for them what it means to accept and love people. We need to teach them things like honor, perseverance, integrity, adventure, justice, tenderness, determination, hope, love, peace, and freedom are all masculine virtues, and they are a part of what it means to be a man.”

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“The truth is - no matter how “self-made” you think you are, you are really made by many who have invested in your life. Be known as a thankful and grateful person… and be known as the person that is investing in others to build them up, as well. It’s your way of paying back the debt that others have invested in you.”

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“I don’t believe that the rough and tumble nature of children, especially boys is inherently wrong. We see in nature, bear cubs, deer, goats, puppies, especially males, play rough with each other. We’re not animals, so we do try to civilize things a bit, but that rough and tumble play creates an environment where children are strengthened, and they learn that their bodies endure pain a certain way. They also learn empathy, when they see that a twisted arm hurts, they are less likely to twist someone’s arm. This unstructured type of play isn’t suited for classrooms, where six years olds are expected to sit at a desk and work for more than eight hours a day, and so it is discouraged. Children do not have the opportunity to properly express those natural tendencies to compete, to wrestle, or to express the emotions behind those desires.”

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“So, you’re handed a baby and a new name (Daddy) and you now have to choose to accept the challenge. Here’s the thing. I don’t believe that rejecting it’s an option. I mean, people DO reject it. But you shouldn’t. You choose then and there to be a father. And you make that choice, day in and day out to make sure their needs are met, that the example is set for them, that they are loved, cherished, corrected, and challenged. You have to choose it.”

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“Fathers! You have no idea the impact that your example has on the person your child will become. Everything you say to them will be like a stud or brick in their construction. Would you build a house with crappy supplies? Do you think that you can skimp on costs and still expect a quality house? Do you think you can just toss it all together and hope it stands up? No! You have to have a plan, the right materials, and careful construction procedures to build a proper house. You can't ignore your kids, or parent without any thought. You can't consistently lose your temper and insult them and expect them.to grow up healthy and whole. I'm not a perfect parent, and you won't be either. But we HAVE to think about what effect our actions has on them.”

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“You can’t expect to achieve a dream if you don’t push yourself harder. Whether it’s strength training, or a sales goal at work, or anything. You’ve got to push through past what you think you can do. And when you do it, it builds confidence in you, and your next task will have a momentum to it. The confidence gained makes your output exponential. You have already done something you thought was impossible. Now you are waiting for the next impossible task.”

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“Sometimes, we fail at a challenge. That can be a disappointment, but it can also be the thing that helps us learn how to rise above and meet that challenge on the next go round. Failure can build discipline and strength and wisdom. It’s up to us if we choose to let that failure rip our confidence away. We get to choose to keep pressing in and charging forward to meet the challenge.”

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“You teach people how you want them to treat you. If you tolerate disrespect, and if you give disrespect, you'll get disrespect. You must set clear expectations of the behavior and communication you want to receive from them, and patiently correct them when they deliver something different. Complaining, insults, intentionally hurtful words create a spiraling effect. One of you offers them up, the other retaliates.”

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“To take responsibility is painful. It is hard to admit that the reason for your situation is you. Admitting this often fuels shame. And shame is a dirty lover. Shame says, “See - I told you you weren’t good enough. You should feel horrible about this.” And when I embrace shame - an interesting thing happens. I feel bad. And then we are driven to the same wrong behaviors - porn - overeating - drugs - booze - anger - because hey make you feel better - until the shame kicks in. Getting caught in that cycle is destructive.”

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“You might even ask, 'Who is this guy to be telling me how to live my life?' And my answer is simple. I’m the guy that is figuring it out just like you. I can’t guarantee that I’m ahead of you in the race - but I do feel it’s my responsibility to help people get into the race, and to stay on track in the race. I know I don’t have it all together. I know that I’m not an expert. I know that I’m not perfect. But I can’t sit by and let men live 'lives of quiet desperation.' (To quote Thoreau) Let’s do this together. Take the flint. Take the steel. Strike. And we will reignite our lives together.”

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“I don’t want to imply that all we need to do is pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Some of us may be able to do that. Some of us may need some professional help. But all of us will benefit from a long hard evaluating look at our life, and from working to realign our thinking with a sense of purpose. Even those that need professional help, we’re going to need to realign our thoughts, and to take practical steps to reignite the fire in us.”

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