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Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Books

Comedian

Michael Ian Black, born on August 12, 1971, is an accomplished American comedian. His career began in the 1990s, and he gained widespread recognition for his unique sense of humor and witty performances. Black has a rich experience in the comedy industry, participating in various comedy shows and movies, and is beloved by audiences for his distinctive comedic talent and humor.

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“As an actor, you can show up on a set and be on a TV show for three or four years, or whatever it is and, by the end of it, you just want to do something else.”

Want Years Ends Shows Three Actors Four Tvs Four Years Tv Shows

Author:Michael Ian Black

“By the end of the time I'm writing a book, I'm tearing my hair out and I want to go do stand-up. And then I want to do something else. I don't know why it is true with me that I can't just be satisfied doing the one thing, but I'm constantly flitting from one thing to another.”

Knows Want Writing I Can Book Ends One Thing Hair Satisfied Writing A Book

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I think writing for anybody helps you order your life. It helps you arrange your emotions and your thoughts and it helps to provide perspective.”

Thinking Writing Helping Order Emotion Perspective

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I probably should be thinking of better ideas on how to promote myself, but I don't really spend a lot of time doing it. I really don't know how to promote effectively.”

Thinking Knows Should Ideas Know How

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I loved Dungeons & Dragons. Actually, not so much the actual playing as the creation of characters and the opportunity to roll twenty-sided dice. I loved those pouches of dice Dungeon Masters would trundle around, loved choosing what I was going to be: warrior, wizard, dwarf, thief.”

Character Opportunity Creation Masters Twenties Warrior Dragons Thieves Wizards Dice Dwarfs Dungeons Dwarves

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Lordy, lordy, lordy do I love money. It is a character flaw, no doubt, one that springs from a panicked childhood in which I always felt as if our family was only a couple missed child support payments from being tossed onto the pitiless streets of our suburban New Jersey town.”

Ifs Children Character Felt Support Doubt Streets Childhood Couple Spring Towns Our Family No Doubt Flaws Jersey Payment New Jersey Love Of Money Character Flaws I Love Money

Author:Michael Ian Black

“My absolute favorite growing up was Super Friends. The assemblage of so many mighty heroes in one place was, to me, mind-blowing. It was Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Aquaman, and then sometimes Hawkman and some other, lesser heroes.”

Mind Sometimes Wonder Growing Up Growing Hero Absolutes Flash Mind Blowing Wonder Woman Assemblage Blowing It

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Hosting a game show is so bizarre and uniquely its own thing. Anytime I'm hosting something, I try to bring as much of myself to it as I can, but it's always going to be incomplete.”

Trying I Can Shows Games Bizarre Incomplete Game Shows

Author:Michael Ian Black

“As a game-show host, what I'm thinking and what I'm experiencing doesn't matter. My opinion doesn't matter. So there's a flattened reality to it. It's fun to do. But it's certainly not myself in totality - or even maybe a little bit.”

Thinking Littles Matter Shows Reality Games Fun Bits Opinion Little Bit Host Totality Game Shows

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Hosting a show, even a talk show or a game show, there's so much business you have to conduct. There's so much guiding you have to do.”

Shows Games Talk Shows Game Shows

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I think in doing stand-up there are no rules and there's no architecture.”

Thinking Architecture

Author:Michael Ian Black

“You have to lead, in the case of a game show, a contestant through the architecture of the show. So there's a lot of rules there, literal and implied, that you have to navigate.”

Shows Games Cases Architecture Literal Navigate Lead In Implied Contestants Game Shows

Author:Michael Ian Black

“With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.”

Want Moments What You Want Be You Constraints

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Twitter is about creating whatever persona you want to create and either sticking with it or changing it or evolving it or contradicting it, and I've done all that stuff.”

Want Done Stuff Creating Evolve Persona Contradicting

Author:Michael Ian Black

“It's such a deliberate thing to sit down and write a tweet. You're putting yourself out there in a very deliberate way, and over however many tweets, you start to create a character for yourself.”

Way Writing Character Down And Deliberate Tweet Putting Yourself Out There

Author:Michael Ian Black

“The characters that I have on Twitter have very little resemblance to me, the person who's writing them.”

Writing Littles Persons Character Resemblance

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I was very surprised how many people were earnestly reminiscing about the '80s. It's such a stupid thing to do, like, to be honestly invested in nostalgia. It never even occurred to me to do that.”

People Stupid Nostalgia Honestly Things To Do 80s Stupid Things Reminiscing

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I think people just love to win.”

People Thinking Winning

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human being.”

Humans I Can Hard Human Beings Normal

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Super excited about things I'm going to do; never excited about things I'm actually doing.”

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Shuffling really isn't something you should be doing on your deathbed.”

Should Deathbed Shuffling

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I don't necessarily self-identify as a writer, 'cause it implies a certain level of intelligence.”

Self Certain Causes Levels

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I'll never admit that I'm an actor, because the next horrible follow-up question is always, "Oh, what have I seen you in?"”

Next Actors Horrible Follow Up

Author:Michael Ian Black

“It doesn't matter what you're chasing, when you get there you're gonna be like, "Oh, is this all? It kind of sucks."”

Kind Matter Chasing

Author:Michael Ian Black

“There is something about the human condition. I don't think dogs are like "If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I'd be totally happy." Dogs are happy with who they are.”

Ifs Thinking Humans Conditions Dog Golden Human Condition Poodles Retrievers Golden Retrievers

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Whatever expectations I had for myself, none of them have come to pass. I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor, which I am. But I thought I'd be a very serious sort of Shakespearean guy going from town to town having sex with various Juliets all over the country.”

Thinking Country Guy Actors Sex Serious Grew Grew Up Expectations Towns Various Juliet Having Sex

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.”

Thinking Trying Poor Comedy Plans Married Being Married Suburbs Great Experiences Bohemian

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I don't chase after things, but I put forward the effort and know the rest of it is out of my hands.”

Knows Hands Effort

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Things you never thought were going to turn into something end up being the most important things in your life. You have to learn to not try to control it.”

Trying Important Ends Turns Important Things Important Things In Your Life

Author:Michael Ian Black

“The whole idea of punk rock is that you're dressing yourself in a crazy leather jacket with safety pins and a Mohawk. The idea of being the rebel is a boring societal idea. It's such a type. And that's what I was, without knowing it.”

Ideas Whole Knowing Crazy Rocks Type Safety Boring Rebel Punk Dressings Pins Jackets Leather Punk Rock Leather Jackets Mohawks Safety Pins

Author:Michael Ian Black

“The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.”

World Care Dad Husband Ice Decent Cream I Care Ice Cream Pedestrians Good Dad

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I never really understood what was expected of me as a man, or how I was supposed to interact with women, but worse, with other guys. I did not relate to them.”

Men Guy Understood Expected Relate Other Guys

Author:Michael Ian Black

“All my friends were girls. Then my mom's strident feminism for years where men were thought of as the enemy, I just didn't know what the right way to be a man was.”

Knows Men Way Years Girl Enemy Feminism Mom My Friends My Mom Right Way Be A Man

Author:Michael Ian Black

“If you say "I'm going to be an actor, but I'll get a teaching degree just in case," when things get hard, you'll just be a teacher and that's how you get stuck.”

Ifs Hard Actors Cases Teacher Teaching Degrees Stuck

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I'm enough of an optimist and a patriot to believe that in U.S. you have a lot of opportunity and can do pretty much anything you want in some form. For me, the idea of failure is far preferable to the idea of regret.”

Want Believe Ideas Enough Form Opportunity Can Do Regret Patriot Optimist

Author:Michael Ian Black

“My fear is if I expose myself, not so much that I'll be hurt, but that the reaction will be "Is that all there is? Is that the entirety of you? Because it's boring."”

Ifs Hurt Boring Reactions Entirety

Author:Michael Ian Black

“That's been my fear all along. That I'm not enough, and I still don't trust at all that I am.”

Stills Enough Don't Trust

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I imagine there's a level of narcissism that goes into thinking you're enough.”

Thinking Enough Levels Imagine Narcissism

Author:Michael Ian Black

“There's things I know I'm good at, and those things interest me less and less. I learn a lot more from doing it wrong than I do from doing it right.”

Author:Michael Ian Black

“My process is surprisingly straightforward. I find myself with little to do over a stretch of time and I say, "I should write children's books today." Then I sit down and write a children's book, and if it takes more than, realistically, three hours, I feel like I've done something wrong.”

Ifs Feels Should Writing Children Littles Book Done Today Three Process Hours Down And Straightforward Children's Books

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I don't really read children's books or deal with children's books, so I don't have any relationship with them other than my own.”

Children Book My Own Deals Children's Books

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.”

Feels Trying Parent Teach Laughing Reader Morality Lessons Obligation Impart Instill

Author:Michael Ian Black

“The illustrators work so much harder on the books than the writers do. I mean, that's so much work doing what they do, and it's terrible for them.”

Mean Book Terrible Harder Illustrators

Author:Michael Ian Black

“If I revise a children's book, if I'm spending three hours on the first draft, I'm probably spending 30 minutes revising it. I mean, come on! But to redo a painting? That's hard work.”

Ifs Firsts Mean Children Book Hard Three Hours Minutes Painting Hard Work Spending Children's Books Revising Redos

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Kids love to be silly, they love to laugh, so I think it was natural for my kids to like the sort of books that I write - and it's the only kinds of books I'm capable of writing.”

Thinking Writing Kind Book Kids Natural Laughing Capable Silly Being Silly Kids Love

Author:Michael Ian Black

“You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.”

Ifs Thinking Writing Children Book Parent Five Minutes Stupid Six Children's Books Compact

Author:Michael Ian Black

“Whatever I write I publish. Because that's where the money is.”

Writing Publish

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I'm trying to teach my children not to cry. That's the big thing. No crying. Because I think we can all agree that crying is, for the most part, for sissies. If my team loses, I'm going to cry. And I'm going to want my kids to see me crying. Not because I think sports are so important, but because I bet so much money on the game that we'll probably lose the house if my team doesn't win. That's something to cry about.”

Ifs Thinking Want Trying Children Important Bigs Kids Games House Winning Sports Loses Teach Team Cry Agree My Children Big Things Sissy

Author:Michael Ian Black

“My tastes in all things lean towards the arty and boring. I like sports documentaries about Scrabble players, bands that play quiet, unassuming music, and TV shows that win awards. In that way, I am an elitist snob. And proud of it.”

Way Play Shows Winning Sports Player Tvs Proud Taste Quiet Band All Things Boring Awards Tv Shows Documentaries Snob Elitist Scrabble Unassuming

Author:Michael Ian Black

“I'm very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.”

Hands Effort Accepting Huge Compliment Insulted Introverted

Author:Michael Ian Black

About the Author

Born: August 12, 1971
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 70

Related Topics

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People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your FaceRelated source material

You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other HumiliationsRelated source material

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