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Paloma Faith

Paloma Faith Books

Singer-songwriter

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“Very few women who are my age are still selling records or making waves in the music industry (Sia wore a bag on her head and a wig to cover her face), and yet that's not because we no longer have things to say. Of course we do. I have so much to say and the experience to match it. It's because the media insist on focusing on a woman's age. The sooner we stop putting this ridiculous pressure on ourselves to be young forever and society learns to deal with the fact that women's faces will change as they get older, the better.”

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“The fact is, women have spent their lives carrying the family, taking on the emotional burdens of others, avoiding rape or unwanted sexual advances, being perceived to be stupid, being told they are mad, negotiating extreme hormonal shifts, being paid less, being viewed as either a piece of meat or hideous and unattractive (why are these our only two options?), being told they slutty or frigid, having less power than their male counterparts, being expected to eat less than men...being told they have to have careers and excel in academia...being told they must he children and be great, present mothers, being told they must be sexually available to their partners and not go off sex even after childbirth and breastfeeding, looking after sick family members, cleaning up their father's messes (many women I know do this) and still look young and smile and cook well and have time to give advice and love to their male friends and lovers...No.”

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“How many women in the world haven't even had an orgasm? How many are putting up with shit sex just so they can have some perceived security? Or those women who give birth, go back to work and just take it on e chin that they have to morph into the equivalent of three standard humans. Resilience is something women are very good at. Too good in fact.”

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“I am acutely aware of the progress that was made for women to have the right to work, to live alone, to take the contraceptive pill, to vote, to burn their bras, but we only really arrived halfway. What began as a brilliant innovation towards the liberation of women has halted or at least slowed down to arrive at another form of patriarchal oppression. Women are doing too much. We are pressed and squeezed for too much of ourselves.”

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“We are at breaking point. We can't breathe for expectation. And when our male counterparts want to help us usually they ask, what they can do? Asking what you can do is the same as creating another job. If I need to explain what to do and how to do it and all the ingredients of doing that thing properly I honestly may as well do it myself. Women feel overlooked, taken for granted, exhausted by where feminism came and then abandoned us.”

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“Successful women from the celebrity community are being vocal about choosing to be alone...It's because once women reach a level of financial independence where they can actually for the help they desperately need they are realising how little contribution being in romantic relationships is making to their lives. They are tired. At time it's easier to choose to have no one in the house to resent for not helping you with you load than to face loneliness itself.”

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“This government doesn't adequately subsidise childcare costs for families working with children under the age of three, so what are most people's options? Put most of your salary on childcare? Give up work? Either way, what do you then live on? Why is society still stacked up against us so we are forever in debt? When will society be in debt to its mothers for raising the next generation, and for trying to maintain seamless handovers and returns to work during maternity absence? When will we be recouped/redeemed for our own sacrifices?”

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“Happiness and joy really need to come from inside yourself. You can't find it in external sources...When you are looking for it inside, you will feed you are failing and then one day someone will say 'you seem really happy' and you might think, Actually, yes, I think I am. I've realised that you really have to trust in the power of time: the knowledge that time continues and you need to do a bit of riding it out before you can see that time never stops and it brings all manner of situations and opportunities your way right when you least expect them. There is hope. There is always more. It's scary and you have to be brave.”

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“What I hadn't considered before it came up in therapy is: am I even able to make room for a male to help me? I think I view it as co-dependency or a robbery of my independence. I think as women, we definitely experience men putting in much less that we would like them to and we can opt for a single existence, but can we accept help? Can we truly invite it in when some (I admit: few) men are willing to give it?”

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“When the man who was initially my boyfriend transitioned into my husband, it was as if overnight he expected my role in his life to change. He complained that I didn't spend enough time at home (I was out working a lot), he complained that my ambitions overpowered my duty as a his 'wife'. Well I cut and run as soon as I heard that rhetoric but I am aware that many women don't. We perpetuate the servitude to male need. It is important to add that I know plenty of men with moths who absolutely didn't spoil their songs but somehow society seems to still give licence for them to receive the 'special treatment' anyway. They genuinely feel justified in thinking that their contribution to family, society or the home is enough while we women are left feeling we aren't 'doing enough'. It's ingrained in generation after generation. Most of my relationships have been with evolved modern men who claim to think their relationship with me has been balanced and equal. But I have to differ on this. There is an invisible expectation of women to mother them...”

MenWomenRelationshipsFeminismFeminist
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“When the man who was initially my boyfriend transitioned into my husband, it was as if overnight he expected my role in his life to change. He complained that I didn't spend enough time at home (I was out working a lot), he complained that my ambitions overpowered my duty as a his 'wife'. Well I cut and run as soon as I heard that rhetoric but I am aware that many women don't. We perpetuate the servitude to male need. It is important to add that I know plenty of men with mothers who absolutely didn't spoil their sons but somehow society seems to still give licence for them to receive the 'special treatment' anyway. They genuinely feel justified in thinking that their contribution to family, society or the home is enough while we women are left feeling we aren't 'doing enough'. It's ingrained in generation after generation. Most of my relationships have been with evolved modern men who claim to think their relationship with me has been balanced and equal. But I have to differ on this. There is an invisible expectation of women to mother them...”

RelationshipsFeminismFeminist
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“By learning to be with myself I may be able to learn to have healthier relationships in future. I've always wanted to be looked after, but instead I did too much looking after. I've always wanted to be supported, but I did too much supporting. I don't even know if I understand how to accept help. I certainly don't know how to ask for it. So, it is with that in mind right now I need to learn to be still with myself, to be bored of myself, to validate myself. It's time to work on the most important relationship I will ever have and the one I've neglected the most: me.”

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