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Quote by Al Madrigal

“I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.”

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Al Madrigal, born on July 4, 1971, is an American comedian known for his unique sense of humor and sharp wit. He has gained recognition in the comedy industry through his appearances in various television shows and comedy specials. more

“Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.”

Knows Men Littles Different Happens Running Kids Faces Moving Wife Eight My Wife Nine Parks Sand Weed Toys Little Kid Different Directions Vicodin Repo Man

Author:Al Madrigal

“Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.”

Wells Preparing Tofu Preparing Food

Author:Al Madrigal

“I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.”

Faces Always Alone Sad Face

Author:Al Madrigal

“You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.”

Knows Real Might School Grows My Own Half Growing Up Towns Everyday Sexy I Realized Suits Cute Riding Mexican San Francisco Sailor Own Business Humming Minding My Own Business

Author:Al Madrigal

“We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.”

America Weapons Chemicals Cocaine Chemical Weapons

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.”

Body Light Turns Shirts Turn Off Threesome

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.”

Said Whole Home Used Walks Television Tvs Dad Degrees My Dad My Favorite Damn Neighborhood One Time Tape Furniture Ovens Knobs Duct Tape Love My Dad I Love My Dad Macgyver

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.”

Knows Police Neighbor Yesterday Getting Old Getting Older

Author:Felipe Esparza

“The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.”

Want Needs Stills War Helping Iraq British Mexico

Author:Felipe Esparza

“I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.”

Loses Fronts Baby Mountain Weight Mark Shirts Stomach Lions Lose Weight Stretch Marks

Author:Felipe Esparza

Quote by Al Madrigal

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