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Advent 9

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T. Alan Horne

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“This is waste of time. Also waste of my food.' 'I need to know if I can eat your food.' 'Eat your own food.' 'I've only got a few months of real food left. You have enough aboard your ship to feed a crew of twenty-three Eridians for years. Erid life and Earth life use the same proteins. Maybe I can eat your food.' 'Why you say "real food", question? What is non-real food, question?' I checked the readout again. Why does Eridian food have so many heavy metals in it? 'Real food is food that tastes good. Food that's fun to eat.' 'You have not-fun food, question?' 'Yeah. Coma slurry. The ship fed it to me during the trip here. I have enough to last me almost four years.' 'Eat that.' 'It tastes bad.' 'Food experience not that important.' 'Hey,' I point at him. 'To humans, food experience is very important.' 'Humans strange.' I point at the spectrometer readout screen. 'Why does Eridian food have thallium in it?' 'Healthy.' 'Thallium kills humans!' 'Then eat human food.' 'Ugh.”

“Why are breakfast food breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast?" "Hazel, eat." "But why?" I asked. "I mean seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an egg, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich.” Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner deal?" “I don't want to have breakfast for dinner." I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate, "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that a scrambled egg inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinner time." “You gotta pick your battles in this world Hazel.” My mom said, “But if this is the issue you want to champion, we will stand behind you.” “Quite a bit behind you.” My dad added, and mom laughed. Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.”