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Quote by Dylan Moran

“Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"”

Author

Dylan Moran is an Irish comedian known for his unique humor style and witty performances. Born on November 3, 1971, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1990s. more

“You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!”

Knows Important Humor Funny Decision Half Strange Couple Members Lonely Intelligent Sane Organisms Strange Things

Author:Dylan Moran

“Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!”

People Knows Way Children Humor Funny Expected Nervous Kicks Bats Cupboards Spinach

Author:Dylan Moran

“You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!”

Should Humor Funny Alive

Author:Dylan Moran

“I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.”

Feels I Can Two Body Humor Funny Hurt Hair Smoke Lungs Buttocks

Author:Dylan Moran

“I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.”

Humor Wanted Funny Security Materials Sitting Prepared Weather Comic Be Prepared Airports Back When Airport Security

Author:Lewis Black

“People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!”

People Knows Feels Long Humor Funny Rooms Nice Long Time Winner Staring Hotel Quarters Bathroom Toilets Vegas Nice Things Arrivals Hotel Rooms Casinos

Author:Lewis Black

“The forces that are driving mankind toward unity and peace are deep-seated and powerful. They are material and natural, as well as moral and intellectual.”

Wells Force Peace Natural Powerful Moral Mankind Materials Intellectual Unity Driving

Author:Arthur Henderson

“Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.”

Enough Humor Funny Rooms Week Missing Lifetime Drank Coke Missing Something Pepsi

Author:Lewis Black

“When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!”

Men Humor Funny Sound Rooms Horror Chaos Horrible Teeth Repeats Pigs Weeping

Author:Lewis Black

“If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.”

Ifs War Humor Wanted Funny Four Pages Bored

Author:Lewis Black

Quote by Dylan Moran

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