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Quote by Selma Fraiberg

“Whenever reality reinforces a child's fantasied dangers, the child will have more difficulty in overcoming them...So, while parents may not regard a spanking as a physical attack or an assault on a child's body, the child may regard it as such, and experience it as a confirmation of his fears that grown-ups under certain circumstances can really hurt you.”

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Selma Fraiberg

Selma Fraiberg (March 8, 1918 - December 19, 1981) was an American psychologist and author. Her book 'The Magic Years' had a profound impact on the field of child psychology. more

“We must remember when we speak of the "negativism" of the toddler that this is also the child who is intoxicated with the discoveries of the second year, a joyful child who is firmly bound to his parents and his new-found world through ties of love. The so-called negativism is one of the aspects of this development, but under ordinary circumstances it does not become anarchy. It's a kind of declaration of independence, but there is no intention to unseat the government.”

“We have good reason to believe that memories of early childhood do not persist in consciousness because of the absence or fragmentary character of language covering this period. Words serve as fixatives for mental images. . . . Even at the end of the second year of life when word tags exist for a number of objects in the child's life, these words are discrete and do not yet bind together the parts of an experience or organize them in a way that can produce a coherent memory.”

Source: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

“If we can find a principle to guide us in the handling of the child between nine and eighteen months, we can see that we need to allow enough opportunity for handling and investigation of objects to further intellectual development and just enough restriction required for family harmony and for the safety of the child.”

Ifs Needs Children Enough Opportunity Principles Objects Months Development Intellectual Harmony Safety Guides Nine Investigation Restriction Eighteen Intellectual Development

Author:Selma Fraiberg

“Parents who want a fresh point of view on their furniture are advised to drop down on all fours and accompany the nine or ten month old on his rounds. It is probably many years since you last studied the underside of a dining room chair. The ten month old will study this marvel with as much concentration and reverence as a tourist in the Cathedral of Chartres.”

Source: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

“It seems to me that we have to draw the line in sibling rivalry whenever rivalry goes out of bounds into destructive behavior of aphysical or verbal kind. The principle needs to be this: Whatever the reasons for your feelings you will have to find civilized solutions.”

Needs Kind Reason Feelings Seems Lines Principles Behavior Solutions Draws Bounds Destructive Civilized Sibling Rivalry Sibling Rivalry Destructive Behavior

Book:The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

Source: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

“The parent who loves his child dearly but asks for nothing in return might qualify as a saint, but he will not qualify as a parent. For a child who can claim love without meeting any of the obligations of love will be a self-centered child and many such children have grown up in our time to become petulant lovers and sullen marriage partners because the promise of unconditional love has not been fulfilled.”

Source: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

“Language makes it possible for a child to incorporate his parents' verbal prohibitions, to make them part of himself....We don't speak of a conscience yet in the child who is just acquiring language, but we can see very clearly how language plays an indispensable role in the formation of conscience. In fact, the moral achievement of man, the whole complex of factors that go into the organization of conscience is very largely based upon language.”

Men Children Play Whole Facts Speak Language Parent Moral Roles Achievement Conscience Organization Complexes Factors Indispensable Formation Prohibition

Author:Selma Fraiberg

“An older child, one who possesses a conscience, will be troubled with self-reproaches and feelings of shame for his naughtiness, even if he is not discovered. But our two-year-olds and our three-year- olds experience guilt feelings only when they feel or anticipate disapproval from the outside. In doing this, they have taken the first steps toward the goal of conscience, but there is a long way ahead before the policeman outside becomes the policeman inside.”

“It no longer makes sense to speak of "feeding problems" or "sleep problems" or "negative behavior" is if they were distinct categories, but to speak of "problems of development" and to search for the meaning of feeding and sleep disturbances or behavior disorders in the developmental phase which has produced them.”

Ifs Problem Speak Sleep Development Behavior Negative Make Sense Categories Disorder Phases Feeding Disturbance Developmental Negative Behavior

Book:The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

Source: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

Quote by Selma Fraiberg

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