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The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood

Book by Selma Fraiberg · 10 quotes · Children, Behavior, Ifs

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The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood Quotes

“A two-year-old can be taught to curb his aggressions completely if the parents employ strong enough methods, but the achievement of such control at an early age may be bought at a price which few parents today would be willing to pay. The slow education for control demands much more parental time and patience at the beginning, but the child who learns control in this way will be the child who acquires healthy self-discipline later.”

IfsWayYearsMayChildrenTwoSelfEnoughWould BeAgeTodayStrongParentPayTaughtWillingDisciplineHealthyDemandAchievementMethodAcquireTwo YearsAggressionSelf DisciplineStrong EnoughParentalCurbTwo Year OldsTime And Patience
Book:The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood
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“For the child whose impulsiveness is indulged, who retains his primitive-discharge mechanisms, is not only an ill-behaved child but a child whose intellectual development is slowed down. No matter how well he is endowed intellectually, if direct action and immediate gratification are the guiding principles of his behavior, there will be less incentive to develop the higher mental processes, to reason, to employ the imagination creatively. . . .”

IfsWellsChildrenMatterReasonActionProcessImaginationPrinciplesDevelopmentHigherBehaviorIntellectualDirectIllMechanismPrimitiveIncentivesGratificationDischargeGuiding PrinciplesDirect ActionIntellectual DevelopmentImmediate Gratification
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“Mental health depends upon the maintenance of a balance within the personality between the basic human urges and egocentric wisheson the one hand and the demands of conscience and society on the other hand.”

HumansHandsPersonalityDependsBalanceDemandConscienceMental HealthUrgesMaintenanceEgocentric
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“We have good reason to believe that memories of early childhood do not persist in consciousness because of the absence or fragmentary character of language covering this period. Words serve as fixatives for mental images. . . . Even at the end of the second year of life when word tags exist for a number of objects in the child's life, these words are discrete and do not yet bind together the parts of an experience or organize them in a way that can produce a coherent memory.”

WayYearsBelieveChildrenEndsReasonCharacterTogetherLanguageMemoriesNumbersConsciousnessChildhoodObjectsProducePeriodsAbsencePersistOrganizeCoveringTagEarly ChildhoodYears Of LifeDiscrete
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“Parents who want a fresh point of view on their furniture are advised to drop down on all fours and accompany the nine or ten month old on his rounds. It is probably many years since you last studied the underside of a dining room chair. The ten month old will study this marvel with as much concentration and reverence as a tourist in the Cathedral of Chartres.”

WantYearsLastsParentRoomsViewsStudyMonthsTenRoundsPoint Of ViewNineChairsConcentrationReverenceFurnitureTouristsAccompanyCathedralsDiningDining RoomsFours
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“It seems to me that we have to draw the line in sibling rivalry whenever rivalry goes out of bounds into destructive behavior of aphysical or verbal kind. The principle needs to be this: Whatever the reasons for your feelings you will have to find civilized solutions.”

NeedsKindReasonFeelingsSeemsLinesPrinciplesBehaviorSolutionsDrawsBoundsDestructiveCivilizedSiblingRivalrySibling RivalryDestructive Behavior
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“The parent who loves his child dearly but asks for nothing in return might qualify as a saint, but he will not qualify as a parent. For a child who can claim love without meeting any of the obligations of love will be a self-centered child and many such children have grown up in our time to become petulant lovers and sullen marriage partners because the promise of unconditional love has not been fulfilled.”

ChildrenSelfMightAsksParentReturnLoversPromiseClaimsMeetingsSaintPartnersObligationOur TimeUnconditional LoveFulfilledUnconditionalSelf CenteredSullen
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“It no longer makes sense to speak of "feeding problems" or "sleep problems" or "negative behavior" is if they were distinct categories, but to speak of "problems of development" and to search for the meaning of feeding and sleep disturbances or behavior disorders in the developmental phase which has produced them.”

IfsProblemSpeakSleepDevelopmentBehaviorNegativeMake SenseCategoriesDisorderPhasesFeedingDisturbanceDevelopmentalNegative Behavior
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“The child begins life as a pleasure-seeking animal; his infantile personality is organized around his own appetites and his own body. In the course of his rearing the goal of exclusive pleasure seeking must be modified drastically, the fundamental urges must be subject to the dictates of conscience and society, urges must be capable of postponement and in some instances of renunciation completely.”

ChildrenBodyCoursesGoalPleasureAnimalSubjectsPersonalityCapableConscienceFundamentalsSeekingInstanceOrganizedUrgesAppetiteExclusiveRenunciationInfantilePostponementPleasure Seeking
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“A method of child-rearing is not--or should not be--a whim, a fashion or a shibboleth. It should derive from an understanding of the developing child, of his physical and mental equipment at any given stage, and, therefore, his readiness at any given stage to adapt, to learn, to regulate his behavior according to parental expectations.”

ShouldChildrenGivenUnderstandingStageFashionBehaviorExpectationsMethodDevelopingEquipmentReadinessWhimParentalChild Rearing
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