“It was massive. A blurting, busting, backfire! A flabbergasting, fire-breathing, flub-explosion! A propelling, paint-stripping, prison-break!”
Source: How My Gas Made Me Famous
“I knew that one of my sharpest memories of sixth grade was forever doomed to be that moment—sitting there with the overwhelming odor of rotten eggs, spaghetti, manure, dead dog, wet schoolbags, smelly socks, and the girly perfume of Amy Bellini’s shampoo … all filling my nostrils.”
“A second grader thinks she knows everything. She said her mommy was running a marathon tomorrow and I told her she was wrong. People can’t run marathons. Marathons are when the same show is on TV all day long.” Piper smirked and looked out her window, mighty proud of herself.
There goes my chance of winning Mother of the Year.”
Source: Room for You
“My name is Miskit."- miskit, amulet”
“People say the day your baby is born is the happiest day of your life. It certainly is for the dads. Call me crazy if you want, but the day I watched my doctor sew stitches into my torn vagina was not my favorite.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc.
Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Never in a million years did she expect to be doing her first real mission with Agent Ace Knight, the number one spy in history!”
Source: Kat Doggers: Superspy: Book 1 of the Kat Doggers Series
“My name is miskett."- Miskett, Amulet”
“Me: “Grace, what is that white stuff all over your face and arms?”
Grace: “I don’t know. It isn’t Daddy’s birthday cake.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Me: “Oh no, it looks like the TV is broken.”
Rose: “We need to move.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids