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Kids Humor Quotes

Browse 25 quotes about Kids Humor.

Kids Humor Quotes

“From that Sunday on Preacher Franklin added a new song to the service called , 'I Am Better Than You' and it went like this: Many years I wandered lost and scared, Through troubles and toils my wickedness flared Then in my darkness I realized what I needed to do Now I do all the right things and I am better than you. Chorus: Better than you, yes I am better than you My life has a purpose and I can tell you what to do Better than you, yes I am better than you If you are a scared miserable loser, I will help pull you through.”

“People say the day your baby is born is the happiest day of your life. It certainly is for the dads. Call me crazy if you want, but the day I watched my doctor sew stitches into my torn vagina was not my favorite.”

“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc. Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”

“Look, girls, the Easter bunny is here at the mall," I said. "Do you want to go say hello?” Rose peeked over the picket fence around the photo area. She cocked an eyebrow. “Mom,” she said, “Why is the Easter Bunny hiding inside that scary costume?”

“I took the boys [ages 2, 5 & 7] to Olan Mills Photo Studio to get a portrait made of them. The photographer was a young woman. She arranged them several different ways to get good photos for us. At one point she had them lined up in a row and said, “Cross your arms.” All three instantly crossed their arms across their chests as we do to receive Holy Communion. The photographer, surprised, exclaimed, “Not like you're dead!”

“I planted a rose bush and Stephen, age 2, asked, “Can I bless the rose?” I said yes and he did the sign of the cross over the rose bush. Then he turned to me and said, “Can I bless the hose?” And so he did.”

“When I asked Stephen, age two, for a kiss he would say, “I’ll give you a smooch.” He'd put his hands on each side of his face and pucker up, musing contentedly, “What kind shall I give her? […Grandma Joy’s ducky kisses, butterfly kisses, or….]”