Best Kids Funny Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

Source: The Glass Castle

“Water goes hand in hand with food, just like children and crying.”

Dinner Meals Feeding Dining Food And Drink Foodie Kid Meal Tears Crying Kids Funny

Source: Night of a Thousand Thoughts

“People say the day your baby is born is the happiest day of your life. It certainly is for the dads. Call me crazy if you want, but the day I watched my doctor sew stitches into my torn vagina was not my favorite.”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Childbirth Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc. Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Childbirth Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Never in a million years did she expect to be doing her first real mission with Agent Ace Knight, the number one spy in history!”

Middle Grade Kids Books Middle Grade Series Childrens Kids Humor Cat Humor Kids Funny Middle Grade Mystery Amusing Lines Good Books For Kids

Book:Kat Doggers: Superspy: Book 1 of the Kat Doggers Series

Source: Kat Doggers: Superspy: Book 1 of the Kat Doggers Series

“Me: “Grace, what is that white stuff all over your face and arms?” Grace: “I don’t know. It isn’t Daddy’s birthday cake.”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Childbirth Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Me: “Oh no, it looks like the TV is broken.” Rose: “We need to move.”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor Childbirth Nightmares

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Look, girls, the Easter bunny is here at the mall," I said. "Do you want to go say hello?” Rose peeked over the picket fence around the photo area. She cocked an eyebrow. “Mom,” she said, “Why is the Easter Bunny hiding inside that scary costume?”

Humor Funny Parenting Womanhood Childbirth Motherhood Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Motherhood Humor

Book:Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“I took the boys [ages 2, 5 & 7] to Olan Mills Photo Studio to get a portrait made of them. The photographer was a young woman. She arranged them several different ways to get good photos for us. At one point she had them lined up in a row and said, “Cross your arms.” All three instantly crossed their arms across their chests as we do to receive Holy Communion. The photographer, surprised, exclaimed, “Not like you're dead!”

Humor Humorous Quotes Funny But True Kids Humor Kids Funny

Book:“Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

Source: “Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

“Beep deedly oden boden bodash skadutendaten.”

Nonsense Kids Humor Chants Kids Funny Nonsense Quotes

Book:Danny Mann Super Fan

Source: Danny Mann Super Fan

“In my school, if your skirt is just one centimetre too short, they make you change into the stinkiest, skankiest pair of lime green joggers they can find in the lost property box, with stains that you really don’t want to know where they came from and the stench of a thousand backsides.”

Humor School Quotes Kids Humor Kids Funny Bums

Book:Eco Worrier

Source: Eco Worrier

“I planted a rose bush and Stephen, age 2, asked, “Can I bless the rose?” I said yes and he did the sign of the cross over the rose bush. Then he turned to me and said, “Can I bless the hose?” And so he did.”

Humor Orthodox Christian Quotes Orthodoxy Orthodox Christianity Greek Orthodox Kids Humor Orthopraxy Catechumen Kids Funny

Book:“Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

Source: “Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

“When I asked Stephen, age two, for a kiss he would say, “I’ll give you a smooch.” He'd put his hands on each side of his face and pucker up, musing contentedly, “What kind shall I give her? […Grandma Joy’s ducky kisses, butterfly kisses, or….]”

Humor Orthodox Christian Quotes Orthodoxy Orthodox Christianity Greek Orthodox Kids Humor Orthopraxy Catechumen Kids Funny

Book:“Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

Source: “Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

“When Sean and Daniel were two and four years old I opened their play kitchen fridge door and found a stack of stuffed bears. "Why are the bears in here?" They replied with authority, “We’ve been huntin’!”

Humor Orthodox Christian Quotes Orthodoxy Orthodox Christianity Greek Orthodox Kids Humor Orthopraxy Catechumen Kids Funny

Book:“Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes

Source: “Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes