“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc.
Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Never in a million years did she expect to be doing her first real mission with Agent Ace Knight, the number one spy in history!”
Source: Kat Doggers: Superspy: Book 1 of the Kat Doggers Series
“My name is miskett."- Miskett, Amulet”
“Me: “Grace, what is that white stuff all over your face and arms?”
Grace: “I don’t know. It isn’t Daddy’s birthday cake.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Me: “Oh no, it looks like the TV is broken.”
Rose: “We need to move.”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“Rewiring Divinity, 2732
(Diary of A Monk Scientist)
One thing you must realize,
there is no absolute truth in this world,
whatever you put your life and mind into, goes.
I found the world's perception
of religion prehistoric,
so I poured my existence into rewiring
the very reality of divinity -
because, there is no other divinity out there,
whatever we humans come up with, goes -
and if some prehistoric baboons with two brain cells
could normalize blind faith as divinity,
then a human being with a hundred billion nerve cells,
could cast aside such blindness and redo divinity
from ground up, and this time, not as a coping mechanism
against the unknown, but as enhancement of our humanity.”
Source: Nazmahal: Palace of Grace
“Look, girls, the Easter bunny is here at the mall," I said. "Do you want to go say hello?”
Rose peeked over the picket fence around the photo area. She cocked an eyebrow. “Mom,” she said, “Why is the Easter Bunny hiding inside that scary costume?”
Source: Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
“I took the boys [ages 2, 5 & 7] to Olan Mills Photo Studio to get a portrait made of them. The photographer was a young woman. She arranged them several different ways to get good photos for us. At one point she had them lined up in a row and said, “Cross your arms.” All three instantly crossed their arms across their chests as we do to receive Holy Communion. The photographer, surprised, exclaimed, “Not like you're dead!”
Source: “Do birds know all their letters?”: Funny Book of Quotes
“Can we stop talking about my pants, please?”
Source: Danny Mann Super Fan
“Beep deedly oden boden bodash skadutendaten.”
Source: Danny Mann Super Fan