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Quote by Greg Giraldo

“Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.”

Quote by Greg Giraldo

Author

Greg Giraldo was an American stand-up comedian known for his unique humor style and satirical commentary. Although his career was short-lived, he left a profound mark on the comedy world. Giraldo was praised for his sharp observations of everyday life and social phenomena, and his performances were well-received by audiences. more

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“It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.”

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“You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?”

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“A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.”

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“Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.”

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“Part of growing up is learning your strengths and weaknesses. What better way to figure out that hand-eye coordination ain't your thing than by getting drilled in the mouth by a red, rubber ball? You only gotta get beaned in the face so many times before you figure out, 'I better hit the books because this is not working out.”

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“You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.”

People Thinking Ideas Might Havens News Terrorist Experts Scenarios Doomsday

Author:Greg Giraldo

“I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids because, actually, I'm getting tired of their happy-go-lucky lifestyle. I've had it with them being all happy and in shape. I could look good in denim short shorts and combat boots, too, if I had all day to do leg presses at the gym.”

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“There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.”

Author:Greg Giraldo

“When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving a dish in the sink overnight.”

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“Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.”

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Author:Greg Giraldo