Home / Quotes / Quote by Dave Barry

Quote by Dave Barry

“The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.”

Quote by Dave Barry

Author

Dave Barry is a renowned American humorist, born on July 3, 1947. His works are known for their unique humor style and satirical observations of everyday life. more

You May Also Like

“The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.”

Want Long Use Form Brain Humorous Ponds Irs

Author:Dave Barry

“You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.”

Thinking Knows Men World Should White Party Know How Example Humorous Dresses Shoes Suits Farmers Leisure Plastic Pigs Costumes Belts

Author:Dave Barry

“You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, that's what scientists believe. In fact many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the summer. If you visit a scientist's house on a sultry August day, you'll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily.”

Source: All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist

“Cancel me not - for what then shall remain? Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, A root or two, a torus and a node: The inverse of my verse, a null domain.”

Two Humorous Roots Verses Domain Inverse Null

Book:The Cyberiad

Source: The Cyberiad

“Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, And every vector dreams of matrices. Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze: It whispers of a more ergodic zone.”

Dream Humorous Gentle Zone Breeze Cones Vectors

Book:The Cyberiad

Source: The Cyberiad

“Come, let us hasten to a higher plane, Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn, Their indices bedecked from one to _ n, Commingled in an endless Markov chain!”

Fields Higher Humorous Endless Chains Planes Fairy

Book:The Cyberiad

Source: The Cyberiad

“I'll grant the random access to my heart, Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love; And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove And in our bound partition never part.”

Heart Two My Heart Prove Humorous Bounds Access Grants Partition

Author:Stanislaw Lem

“In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. Our symptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face.”

Way Faces Space Humorous Encounters Phases Counting Face To Face Riemann

Book:The Cyberiad

Source: The Cyberiad

“Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter - for they had a machine, a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside it, for it was all they had - first they saved up all their atoms, then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine.”

Source: The Cyberiad

“Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide.”

Humorous Suicide Slave Seeking Savages Spectacular Samson

Book:The Cyberiad

Source: The Cyberiad