“A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.”
Quote by Jay Leno
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“HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.”
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“It looks like a miniature hippopotamus with badly-fitting panty hose all over.”
“I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you.”
“NOVEL, n. A short story padded.”
Source: The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World
“Literature was formerly an art and finance a trade; today it is the reverse.”
Source: The Twitter Book
