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The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Book by Ambrose Bierce · 50 quotes · Persons, Men, Science

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The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary Quotes

“GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.”

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“GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.”

IfsSeemsMightScienceLeftNationsOpinionSupportHumourDevilEvidenceAngelInventionChineseAgencyCivilizedEmployedDisputesConvincingSettlementScarcityTroublesomeMiltonGunpowderCivilized NationsConvincing Evidence
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“LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name- liver, the thing we live with.”

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“CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend.".”

ShouldSaidEvilEnemyBearsMovedGiftedDiscipleAfflictionFortitudeStoicCallousDeath Of A Friend
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“PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.”

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“The bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old in an unfamiliar sense has no following and is tartly reminded that 'it isn't in the dictionary' - although down to the time of the first lexicographer no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary.”

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“EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.”

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“FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.”

WorldLongHas BeensUsedDivineOne DayWasteDiedInstitutionsCookingTerrorCornersSpreadHorribleKitchenCulinaryIntroducingHouseholdAssistanceTormentEmployedInfantObservingBabeBaptismDumpInvaluableGenevaTrampsFryingPropagationCorners Of The WorldFrying Pans
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“Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.”

MatterUltimateAtomsUnitsDistinguishedMoleculesResemblanceIndivisibleIons
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“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

LoveFunnyLove IsMarriageHeartbreakInsanitySarcasmTemporaryCynicalValentineValentine's DayBeing In LoveBeing MarriedGreat LoveFunny MarriageFunny LoveHumoristsLove And MarriageImmunityWhat Is LoveColumnistsPositive MarriageMarriage LoveGreat MarriageFunny Valentines DayInsanity And SanityWedding MarriageBest MarriageWeddings And MarriageWeddings And LoveHappy Valentines Day FunnyGreat WeddingDefinition Of LoveHumorous LoveTraditional MarriageCynical LoveGreat PhilosophersWitty MarriageHumorous ValentineDefinition Of InsanityClassic LoveGreat HusbandTemporary InsanityPhilosophers Love
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