Home / Quotes / Quote by David Cross

Quote by David Cross

“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.”

Author

David Cross, born on April 4, 1964, is an American actor, screenwriter, and stand-up comedian. He is known for his role as Moss in the television series 'The Office' as well as his stand-up comedy. more

“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”

Ifs Giving Two Humor Kids Funny Reading Next President Giving Up Concerned Empty Sick Miles Seats Gates Pens Airline Flyers Empty Seats Sick Kids

Author:David Cross

“We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.”

Humor Funny Preacher January Fundamentalist Armageddon January 1st

Author:David Cross

“High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.”

Knows Mean Children Humor Funny Magazines Highlights Notches Time Magazine

Author:David Cross

“I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.”

People Ideas Humor Funny Offers Pork Business Ideas Kosher

Author:David Cross

“Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.”

Knows Humor Eye Funny Speak Forget Pants Speak English

Author:David Cross

“[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.”

Humor Funny Together Grows Watches Limits Yeah Warm Blanket Telescopes Comets Time Limit Halley's Comet

Author:David Cross

“James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.”

Humor Funny Arrogant Pompous

Author:David Cross

“In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"”

World Looks Humor Funny Beautiful Guy Decision Minutes New York Twenties Urgent Beautiful Women Craziest Most Beautiful Woman In The World

Author:David Cross

“The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.”

Country Humor Funny Amount South Irony Shirts Regions T Shirt

Author:David Cross

“I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.”

Humans War Humor Funny Human Beings White Party Support Wonderful Republican Members Rational Inclusion Troops

Author:David Cross

Quote by David Cross

Author

You May Also Like