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Quote by David Cross

“[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.”

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David Cross

David Cross, born on April 4, 1964, is an American actor, screenwriter, and stand-up comedian. He is known for his role as Moss in the television series 'The Office' as well as his stand-up comedy. more

“I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't believe it? You believe that I didn't do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I'm going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what's described as a 'joke.' Um, I'll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.”

Men Believe Said Whole Humor Funny Dog Jokes Tests Series Don't Believe Bunch Tonight Smarter

Author:David Cross

“Then I will tape the sets and even though I`m not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat and put the jokes closer together.”

Trying Sometimes Humor Funny Together Successful Cutting Jokes Fats Tape

Author:David Cross

“I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.”

Helping Use Humor Funny Hurt Secret Laughing Santa Santa Claus Swallowing

Author:David Cross

“I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'”

Humor Funny Used Stuff Sleep Perfect Pockets Ems Planners Pajamas

Author:Demetri Martin

Quote by David Cross

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