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Quote by Brian Jacques

“I am a people watcher and I have a very good memory.”

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Brian Jacques was a British writer known for his children's literature. His works feature animal protagonists and blend adventure, fantasy, and humor, enjoying great popularity among readers of all ages. more

“My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him up because his name was Florence. He had to switch his name to Frank. And then this Christmas, he made an announcement - he goes, 'I'm switching me name back to Florence.' And we beat him up, 'cause it's a dumb name and he's old and weak and it was easy.”

Made Used Names Causes Easy New York Beats Weak Moved Dumb Ireland Frank Grandfather My Grandfather Announcements Switching Florence

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms - spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork.”

Men I Can Hard Able Guy Sleep Position Arms Connected Intimacy Hard Times Forks Spoons

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples 'cause they cannot be in our presence without getting very annoying. It's always like, 'So, when are you guys getting married? Huh? When are you getting married? When are you guys getting married?!' I dunno, you're married - when are you gonna die? You're already married, death will be next. When are you gonna die?”

Able Guy Dies Next Causes Couple Married Annoying Getting Married Married Couples

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“My friend goes, 'If you're going to use Rogaine, just put it somewhere you're going to remember to use it everyday.' So I put it right next to my Prozac. But now it just feels really pathetic using both of these products at the same time, 'cause if either one works, I don't really need the other one.”

Ifs Needs Feels Use Remember Next Causes Products My Friends Everyday Pathetic Prozac

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top - nine degrees, he's sweatin'. Look at 'Titanic,' remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog.”

Knows Looks Littles Remember Guy Water Cold Scene Degrees Eating Finals Nine Fats Boat Coats Skinny Tanks Icy Leonardo Cold Water Chihuahua Cold Days Tank Tops

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.”

Country States Running Three Watches Worst Dog Fronts Flats Running Away Iowa Porch Front Porches

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“I realized that every second that I'm alive, the world cares less about me. It's just a very linear, downward progression. And it sounds cynical because you guys are young and you're full with life. I want you to understand - this is it. You have nothing to look forward to because you're peaking. If you're not having fun now, kill yourself. I don't mean that in a bad way, just - it's not worth it to go forward.”

“Trickle-down economics - it didn't work. The whole idea was supply-side economics: give rich people a lot of money; they'll spend it, it'll go into the economy. Here's what we found out - rich people, really good at keeping all the money. That's how they got rich. If you want it in the economy, give it to the poor people. You know what they're really good at? Spending all their money.”

“Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my wife. Let's just get that out in the open right now.' He didn't need to admit that. He's blind. Could have said it was an accident.”

Way Needs Firsts Said Guy Black Wife Right Now Blind My Wife Accidents Governors Cheated Lieutenants Black Guys Cheated On

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So it's nice to know my son's going to grow up and have huge breasts but it's not going to bother him that much.”

Knows Found Grows Water Growing Up Nice Son Huge Bother Breasts Los Angeles My Son Tested Antidepressants Estrogen Tap Water

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

Quote by Brian Jacques

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