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Quote by Emo Philips

“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.”

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“I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.”

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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”

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“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.”

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“I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"”

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“Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.”

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“I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.”

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“I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.”

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